IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries schools have svere problems with student behaviour. what do you think are the causes for this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Learners are very important for the future of any country in the world. Many people believe that, in the present age, the behaviour of youngsters is unacceptable. In the essay below I will discuss the causes of
this
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 attitude and offer some solutions. First and foremost, nowadays children are spending more
time
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 on their mobile phones, computers, laptops etc. They do not have any interest in playing outdoor games.
Moreover
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,
parents
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 are busy in their own lives and they do not have enough
time
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 to spend with their babies.
This
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 is the
time
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 when the growing buds need emotional support from their family and friends. But because of the hectic lifestyle
parents
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 are unable to give enough
time
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 to their kids.
As a result
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of
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apply
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which
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apply
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students feel lonely and become aggressive.
Furthermore
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, students are supported by their
parents
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, even when they are at fault. Today
parents
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 do not allow
the
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apply
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teachers to punish their kids for
the
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apply
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correction purposes as well.
For example
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, when I was in my school, one boy in our class brought alcohol with him
in
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to
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 school. When the principal scolds him for his mistake and
call
Correct subject-verb agreement
calls
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 his
parents
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 in school, his
parents
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said
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say
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 that they do not want anyone to ask anything to their son. He can do whatever he wants. In order to solve
this
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 problem,
parents
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 should spend quality
time
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 with their children and teach them about right and wrong.
Next,
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they should teach the students to respect elders and love youngsters. Outdoor activities should
also
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 help
in reducing
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reduce
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 the feeling of isolation
among
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apply
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them
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apply
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. Playing games will help them to accept the loss in their lives. It will
instill
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instil
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 the feeling of respecting others as well. In conclusion, social isolation is one of the major
reason
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reasons
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 for
the
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apply
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unacceptable behaviours and spending good
time
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 with family and friends will improve the
overall
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 situation

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coherence and cohesion
Try to present your ideas in a more organized manner, ensuring a logical flow between paragraphs. This will enhance clarity and comprehension for the reader.
task response
Include more specific examples and details to support your claims. This will strengthen your arguments and help illustrate your points more effectively.
language use
Ensure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and to improve sentence variety for better engagement.
task response
Your introduction clearly outlines the main topic and indicates that you will discuss causes and solutions. This sets a clear direction for the essay.
task response
You have identified relevant social issues that contribute to student behavior, which reflects an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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