IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the most imprtant aim of science should be ro improve people's live. to what extent do agree or disagree with this statement?

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There is no denying the fact that sciences play a crucial role in human life.
While
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 it is a commonly held
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 that the most essential role of science would be to facilitate individual lives, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I believe that a knowledge goal is to boost
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives.
To begin
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with
Add a comma
with,
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medicine,
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 most important and innovative discovery is
medicine
Add an article
the medicine
a medicine
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of
Change preposition
for
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 diseases.
In other words
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 in the past died because there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a
luck
Correct your spelling
lack
show examples
 of remedy to their illnesses. In modern life, anaesthesia is a great medicine, which enables surgeons to do
operation
Fix the agreement mistake
operations
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 without pain.
Similarly
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,
vaccine
Add an article
the vaccine
a vaccine
show examples
 has a great role in decreasing many infectious diseases.
For example
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, Tuberculosis Vaccine lowers the possibility of death
due to
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 tuberculosis disease and perhaps could be a cure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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 disease. Another point to consider the physics,
firstly
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, vehicles including, cars, buses, and trains facilitate the movement of
people
Use synonyms
 across their region. It is
also
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 possible to say that individuals can go to their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 or their family’s houses conveniently
faster
Correct word choice
and faster
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 with little effort.
Furthermore
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, electricity,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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could be the most important source of energy. It produces light and
move
Change the verb form
moves
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 many machines, which makes every task easier. For
instants
Replace the word
instance
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, in many factories, they use electricity to move machines, so
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 workers are needed and better work
has been
Wrong verb form
is
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 achieved. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I consider that science is the greatest thing that
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 for
easiest
Correct article usage
the easiest
show examples
 life.
Nevertheless
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, science has many advantages, it has many disadvantages because
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 invent bombs that kill many
people
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position. Instead of saying 'I believe that a knowledge goal is to boost people lives', try 'I strongly agree that the primary aim of science should be to enhance people's lives.'
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use correct grammar and spelling throughout your essay. For example, 'believe' instead of 'believe', 'luck' instead of 'lack', and 'instants' should be 'instances'.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your arguments. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and include a topic sentence that summarizes that idea. This will improve coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide more balanced arguments. Acknowledge some disadvantages of science in a more structured way in your body paragraphs, rather than just in the conclusion.
task achievement
You provided some relevant examples of how science has improved lives through medicine and technology, which enhances your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay addressed both sides of the argument, which is good to show a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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