IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The main purpose of university is to provide graduate with the knowledge and skills needed for students to get a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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University
Use synonyms
 provides knowledge and
skills
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all
students
Use synonyms
 which is the most important thing for graduation.
Then
Linking Words
, the main purpose
to go
Change preposition
of going
show examples
 to
university
Use synonyms
 is to get a good job after it. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are advantages
or
Correct word choice
and
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 disadvantages
to go
Change preposition
of going
show examples
 to
university
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it is a benefit to graduate
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
reach
Verb problem
get
show examples
 a better job, in fact, in Europe the people who have a
master
Change noun form
master's
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 degree have a higher income
of
Change preposition
than
show examples
 whom doesn't have it.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
university
Use synonyms
 is a step that anyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to go through
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it provides knowledge and
skills
Use synonyms
 to use on a specific work.
For example
Linking Words
, an
architet
Correct your spelling
architect
 has to know how to
built
Change the form of the verb
build
show examples
 a house and only
with
Change preposition
by
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studying
Add a comma
studying,
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 he can do it.
Then
Linking Words
, another advantage is to have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
prepartion
Correct your spelling
preparation
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all the subjects.
Students
Use synonyms
 should know everything
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what they have studied during
academic
Correct pronoun usage
their academic
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 years. Knowing
others
Change noun form
other's
others'
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 things,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 improvement of what they need to do after graduation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, not all the
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 have a standardisation of
knowings
Correct your spelling
knowledge
show examples
 and
skills
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due to
Linking Words
 a large number of
students
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, more
students
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 equal to less knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a study in Italy that
say
Change the verb form
says
show examples
 that in the past
students
Use synonyms
 had more
skills
Use synonyms
 than nowadays, because they were more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 on fewer subjects. After that, it was more easier to get a
joob
Correct your spelling
job
 more paid than in the present. In conclusion, the main purpose of
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
the university
a university
show examples
 is to get a job and only doing
university
Use synonyms
 we
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reach a
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
 income
due to
Linking Words
 the
skills
Use synonyms
 and
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 that it provides to
students
Use synonyms
.

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language
Improve clarity and precision in your language. For example, instead of 'which is the most important thing for graduation', you could say 'which is essential for graduation'.
examples
Make sure to include more specific examples to support your arguments. The example about architet (architect) could be more detailed, or you could provide another profession as well.
organization
Work on the overall organization of your essay. Ensure that paragraphs clearly have a single main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to another.
grammar
Correct grammatical errors, such as 'anyone have' should be 'anyone has' and 'more easier' should be 'easier'. Attention to grammar will make your ideas clearer.
engagement
The essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to address both sides of the argument, indicating engagement with the topic.
support
You provided a relevant statistic about income differences linked to education, which adds value to your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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