IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Money manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed expensive sugary products can
solved
Change the verb form
solve
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health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
problem
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problems
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 caused by high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
sugar
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 in
food
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 and drink. I strongly agree
to
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with
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this
Linking Words
align
Replace the word
alignment
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 because
people
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 might reconsider
to consume
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consuming
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 less
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sugar
Correct your spelling
less-sugar
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 diet and additional income from
expensive
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the expensive
an expensive
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 sugary
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product
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products
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 can help to develop and increase medical
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center
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centers
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. There are tons of
healthy
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health
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problem
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problems
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cause
Wrong verb form
caused
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 by sugary
food
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 and
drink
Correct subject-verb agreement
drinks
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 especially with artificial sweeteners which
claimed
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are claimed
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sugar
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substitute
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substitutes
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. Increasing sweet
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product
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products
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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people
Use synonyms
 consider
to consume
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consuming
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 other options which
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 less
sugar
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 to save money and
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 options might be healthier.
Although
Linking Words
 there might be
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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people
Use synonyms
craving for
Wrong verb form
crave
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 sweet or sugary
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product
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products
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, with increased the price of sugary
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product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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,
people
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 might consider
to consume
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consuming
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 fruits and vegetables as their natural
sweets
Change the noun form
sweet
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 source which
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
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 to healthy lifestyle.
In addition
Linking Words
, with
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 price of sweet products, there will be additional income to build and develop medical
Use synonyms
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
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 that handle
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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cause
Change the form of the verb
caused
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 by
sugar
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such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and heart
attack
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attacks
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. Special medical
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center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
 with proper medical care and
facility
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facilities
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 can help to treat
people
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 with
health
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Use synonyms
problem
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problems
show examples
 caused by high-level
sugar
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
special
Add an article
a special
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 medical
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center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 might help to educate and promote about healthy diet to prevent acute illness caused by sugary
food
Use synonyms
 and drink. In conclusion, increased
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 proven to solve the
health
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 problems caused by it.
Not
Correct pronoun usage
It not
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 only
to make
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makes
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people
Use synonyms
 reconsider their meals and promote
healthier
Add an article
the healthier
a healthier
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choice
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choices
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 of diet
,
Add the word(s)
, but
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it can
also
Linking Words
 develop medical
Use synonyms
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
 to
improved
Change the form of the verb
improve
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the
Change the word
their
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 lifestyle and handle the
health
Use synonyms
problem
Use synonyms
cause
Change the form of the verb
caused
show examples
 by sugary
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument, but it would benefit from stronger development of your ideas. Make sure to elaborate on key points with more details and examples to enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your ideas. Transition phrases can help connect your sentences and paragraphs more smoothly, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and word choice. For instance, 'solved health problem' should be 'solved health problems.' Proofreading for grammatical errors can enhance the clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the issue and express your agreement effectively, which is essential for task response.
task achievement
You include relevant points regarding health issues related to sugary products, showing your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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