IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Men and women are having children late in life. What are the reasons and the effects on society and family?

These days, it is a common trend for couples to have
kids
Use synonyms
 lately in their life. There could be several reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 and its impact on the society.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reason why
parents
Use synonyms
 have
kids
Use synonyms
 in their
late
Replace the word
later
show examples
 life and the possible effects that can occur on society and family members. To analyze, one of the main reasons why
parents
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 hesitate to have
kids
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 in their early life is the concern
on
Change preposition
about
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 their financial stability. Growing a kid these days requires a lot of money.
For example
Linking Words
, most men and women want to put their child in an international school, which requires a certain amount of tuition fees.
Therefore
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, the adult’s concern is they need to be wealthy enough to cover those expenses,
which
Correct word choice
and
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 they would need to be stable in their work or job before having a
baby
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, it would take several years to acquire security in their net worth.
In addition
Linking Words
, having a
baby
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 when
parents
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 are getting older would cause an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 parent in society, where children will have more age gap between their
parents
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.
For example
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, the
baby
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 is in the Z generation,
while
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 the
parents
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 are in
Baby
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 Boomer.
As a result
Linking Words
, the childhood experience and way of living will be different, which would be hard for
parents
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 to teach their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 and followed by a more complex way to communicate among family members. In conclusion,
while
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 adults are striving for financial stability, it establishes a higher age gap between their children and results in difficulty in raising and communicating with the
kids
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.

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coherence and cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer structure, particularly in the second paragraph. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Expand on points made to provide more depth. For example, discussing the emotional aspects of having children later in life could add a valuable dimension to your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples beyond financial concerns. Discussing societal changes or cultural shifts could enhance your points.
task achievement
The introductory paragraph outlines the main points effectively, which sets a clear direction for the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant ideas about financial stability and the age gap between parents and children, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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