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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 modern era, many people today believe that learning in groups,
in
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and in
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 classrooms, has more advantages for
students
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 than studying remotely. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
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 statement as studying in classrooms, surrounded by
students
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 of similar ages and goals helps nurture important communication
skills
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 among
students
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 and
also
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 helps
teacher
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teachers
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 pay more attention to their
students
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.
To begin
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 with, good communication and problem-solving
skills
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 can be considered
a
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an
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 undeniable asset in today’s competitive world. The way an individual
communicate
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communicates
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 can be the determining factor to someone securing a well-paid job,
therefore
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such
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skills
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 should be fostered from an early age. The most significant way to establish
this
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 is to promote face-to-face learning because peers in a
classroom
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 can be given
chance
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a chance
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 to build strong
friendship
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friendships
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 and in some cases, solve conflicts with and among their classmates
strengthen
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to strengthen
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 their interpersonal
skills
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.
For instance
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, researchers have
showed
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shown
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 that, when
learned
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learning
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 study in groups when it comes to Mathematics, it appeared more effective and entombed
students
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’ team-working
skills
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 similar to interacting
skills
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.
Moreover
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, group
classroom
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 studying provides teachers
to have
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with
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 a clear view of all the
students
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 in their
classroom
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. Online teaching can be largely done through video-calling platforms
such
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 as Zoom, Google
meet
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Meet
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,...Lack of expressions and body language unnoticed, making them unaware of when it
need
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needs
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 re-explaining. There are many cases in which
students
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 tend to do personal business rather than focus on the lesson
while
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 studying online.
According to
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 these reasons above, learning online can help teachers in teaching from far distance but may not
being
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be as
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 much advantage as direct teaching class. In short, I believe that learning in a
classroom
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 with direct interaction and support from peers and teachers is a more effective method.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly linked and logically follow one another. For example, the progression from communication skills to teachers’ ability to observe students could be smoother with clearer transitions. Try to use linking words more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples to support your main points. While your examples are relevant, they could be strengthened by providing specific studies or data to reinforce your claims about the effectiveness of group learning compared to online learning.
language usage
Work on refining your language for clarity and correctness. There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can detract from the overall impression of your essay. For example, 'an undeniable asset' instead of 'a undeniable asset,' and 'the way an individual communicate' should be 'the way individuals communicate.'
strength
The introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
strength
Your essay addresses important and relevant points such as communication skills and teacher attention, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Collaborative learning
  • Debate
  • Discipline
  • Engagement
  • Feedback loop
  • Peer support
  • Educational resources
  • Adaptive learning
  • Self-motivation
  • Independent study
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual classroom
  • Accessibility
  • E-learning
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