IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people believe that automation will lead to massive job losses, while others think it will create new job opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Most
people
Use synonyms
 think that new technologies will occupy massive jobs,
however
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, other
group
Change the wording
groups
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 advocate that it will give new job opportunities.
While
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 both of these arguments seem to be rational in their own ways, I would with the latter group of
people
Use synonyms
 more for some sound reasons. On the one hand,
Change preposition
as
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 result of automation, many workplaces
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 close and there
have
Verb problem
are
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 some reasons. First and foremost, many
place
Change to a plural noun
places
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 of
handlework
Correct your spelling
handle work
handiwork
handwork
 occupy automatic furniture, to illustrate, in
old
Correct article usage
the old
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 days, many
people
Use synonyms
pick
Wrong verb form
picked
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cottons
Change the wording
cotton
kinds of cotton
pieces of cotton
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 on their hands, and through
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this
Add a comma
this,
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 they
earn
Wrong verb form
earned
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 money in
autumn
Correct article usage
the autumn
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 seasons,but in contemporary times, to do
this
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 work have many special cars.
As a result
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 can't find money to buy new uniforms for their children
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the
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new study year.
In addition
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, it is company which
is working
Wrong verb form
work
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 with documents rely on employees with high qualifications, and
also
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, now these
are too work
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too work
show examples
 with computers and these companies don't need many
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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.
On the other hand
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, I believe the system of automation will create new job chances since nowadays, many new technologies have been
creating
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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start
Change the verb form
starting
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new
Add an article
a new
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 modern
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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, so many
people
Use synonyms
 can earn more money and
also
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,
this
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 doesn't require
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
 and knowledge.
Moreover
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer distance learning and
this
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 become useful for teachers who teach students on social media. To illustrate, most teachers,
very
Add a missing verb
are very
show examples
 familiar
among
Change preposition
with
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who need their lessons and they can attend these
teachers
Change noun form
teachers'
show examples
 courses anywhere. In conclusion,
as a result
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 of
automation
Add a comma
automation,
show examples
 many job opportunities
are decrease
Change the verb form
are decreasing
show examples
,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, I believe
this
Linking Words
 trend will be beneficial to many
people
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument, but some ideas need to be more clearly developed and supported with specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
There are some issues with sentence structure and grammar that affect the clarity of your writing. Work on using more varied and complex sentences to enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of your essay is generally clear, but using linking words more effectively could improve the flow between ideas.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
You've made a good effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which reflects a balanced view on automation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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