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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.(Anelya1)

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.(Anelya1)
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The given line graph
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
 the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 water
usage
Use synonyms
 in
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 world
while
Linking Words
 the table
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 the average
number
Use synonyms
 of water
consumption
Use synonyms
 in two different countries
such
Linking Words
 as Brazil and Congo in the years between 1900 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
from the trend graph that the highest level
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 water
consumption
Use synonyms
 was for cultivation needs
while
Linking Words
 the lowest point for aqua
usage
Use synonyms
 was for domestic use. The data in the grid reveals that Brazil had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of aqua
usage
Use synonyms
 compared to
Republic
Correct article usage
the Republic
show examples
 of Congo for the period recorded. The line chart
presents
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 that the
number
Use synonyms
 of agrarian
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
show examples
, which reached the peak of
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
, grew dramatically from 500 to 3.000 over the years from 1900 to 2000. Meanwhile, the trends of industrial and domestic uses of aqua was
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 0 point in 1900, but
then
Linking Words
 in the year 1940
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both of them increased slightly,
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 the domestic sector got the smallest amount of
consumption
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
According to
Linking Words
 the table, Brazil had the greatest population
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
176 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people compared to Congo. For that reason,
Brazils'
Change noun form
Brazil's
show examples
 citizens have the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of liquid
consumption
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per
persons
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 and reached 26,500 km of irrigated lands.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
Congos'
Change noun form
Congos
show examples
habitants
Correct your spelling
habitats
show examples
, which consist 5.2 million of population, had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 minor
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
moisture
usage
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per human and got
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
100 km
irrigated
Change preposition
of irrigated
show examples
 lands in 2000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words usage, number, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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