Various career and academic choices taken by high school graduates in Lakeside country in 2010 and 2020.

Overall

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

going to college was significantly more popular, representing over half of the choices in both years, than the other career and academic paths.

However

Linking Words

, the distribution among these other options changed over the decade.

Firstly

Linking Words

, looking at the increasing trends, in 2010 only 5% of graduates had not yet decided their future path, but

this

Linking Words

figure rose considerably to 15% in 2020.

Similarly

Linking Words

, the proportion of respondents who chose to start a business increased slightly from 11% to 13%. Notably, the most significant increase occurred in the proportion of graduates working in the freelance and informal sectors, rising dramatically from 5% to 24% over the one decade. With respect to decreasing indications, the percentage of individuals who decided to go to college declined considerably from 55% in 2010 to only 38% in 2020.

Finally

Linking Words

, the proportion choosing traditional working decreased sharply from 24% to 10%."

didara_93Thu Apr 24 2025

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task achievement

The introduction clearly outlines the main trends, but try to include a brief summary of the data to set a clearer context for the reader.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay is generally well-organized; however, ensure to use appropriate linking phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs more effectively.

task achievement

You provided relevant data and examples, particularly the figures comparing years, but consider elaborating on the implications of these changes for a deeper analysis.

task achievement

The essay offers a clear overview of the trends, effectively addressing changes in career choices over the specified years.

coherence and cohesion

The use of specific data points helps to strengthen the argument, making it impactful and easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

150 words

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Various career and academic choices taken by high school graduates in Lakeside country in 2010 and 2020.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

This is my IELTS essay question: Some people think adults should give children freedom to make mistakes. Others think adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example for your own knowledge or experience

some people dislike changes in their society and in their own lives, and want things to stay the same. Why do some people want things to stay the same? Why should change be regarded as something positive?

In many countries, people now wear western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

You have recently moved to a new house. There has been damage after you have moved into the house. write a letter to your landlord explaining what has happened and ask him what you can do.