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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the percentage of people unemployed in the total labour workforce across 9 countries in 1994 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of people unemployed in the total labour workforce across 9 countries in 1994 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table illustrates changes in the percentage of people unemployed in the total labour workforce in 9
countries
Use synonyms
 in 1994 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the unemployment rate in the labour force in
this
Linking Words
 period in most
countries
Use synonyms
 tends to decrease, and most notably, Ireland has the highest decrease rate;
on the contrary
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure in Poland tends to be the highest. Regarding some
countries
Use synonyms
 that have a decreasing trend, including Ireland, Italy, Canada, the UK, and the USA, in 1994, Ireland had the highest joblessness, reaching 14.8%, but after a decade,
this
Linking Words
 figure
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sharply decreased to under 5% in 2004.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the UK
also
Linking Words
 had a significant decline from 9.5% to 4.7% in 2004, during the same period, some
countries
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as Italy, Canada, USA, which have tended to decrease, but more modestly, just 2% or 3% in the
last
Linking Words
 year of the survey.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there are some
countries
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as Germany, Australia, Japan, and Poland,
in
Change preposition
at
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 the
begin
Replace the word
beginning
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 of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
, the
out of work
Add a hyphen
out-of-work
show examples
 rate in Poland has
substantial
Change the adjective
substantially
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rised
Correct your spelling
rise
risen
 between 12.4% and 19%,
in addition
Linking Words
,
Japan
Change preposition
in Japan
show examples
, and Germany only slightly increased approximately 2%, Australia
also
Linking Words
 insignificant growth 0.4% compared with
last
Linking Words
 decade.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, last, on the contrary, such".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 4 times.
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