IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? Beka

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People
Use synonyms
 of all ages, get into
dept
Correct your spelling
debt
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 by buying useless things. Because they don’t have
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money
Correct article usage
a money
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 upbringing
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and don’t know how
spend
Add the particle
to spend
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a
Remove the article
apply
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money
Use synonyms
 wisely. I think at school we need a lesson about
money
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 education. It is conspicuous that
people
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 tend to buy a lot, more than they really need. It is because
people
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 don’t know how to spend
a
Remove the article
apply
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money
Use synonyms
 wisely. In our time a lot of
people
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 have problems with financial
literacy
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 and spend a whole of the
money
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to
Change preposition
on
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 useless things. I think it’s because parents do not pay attention to the financial
literacy
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 of their children . Children, after they start earning
money
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 themselves, without knowing about financial
literacy
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, spend it anywhere but not on things they need.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are viable solutions that may solve the aforementioned problem.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 introduce lessons
of
Change preposition
on
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 financial
literacy
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 and employ a
teachers
Fix the agreement mistake
teacher
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 with
this
Linking Words
 lesson.
This
Linking Words
 will help children learn financial
literacy
Use synonyms
 and not burden their parents.
This
Linking Words
 will help avoid poverty in the future and irrational spending of
money
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. Thanks to
this
Linking Words
 teaching method, the poverty level will decrease and many offices for illegal debt collection will close down. In conclusion, purchasing a new thing without benefits must be taken as a serious problem
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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The primary factors are following what the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 do and lack of financial management which in turn leads to debts and bankruptcy.

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Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide specific examples to support your arguments more clearly. This can enhance the depth of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This can help connect your ideas more coherently.
General
Make sure to proofread for grammar and spelling mistakes, as well as for clarity. This will improve the overall quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents a clear understanding of the issue regarding financial literacy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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