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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

(Ss)The diagram below shows how a biofuel called ethariol is produced. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

(Ss)The diagram below shows how a biofuel called ethariol is produced. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The presented diagram gives data on the  process showing how
ethanol
Use synonyms
 ,which is a type of biofuel is produced.   
Overall
Linking Words
, the procedure of making
ethanol
Use synonyms
 consists of around 8 different stages,which
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
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 with the growth of
plants
Use synonyms
 and trees and
ending
Wrong verb form
end
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 with
emission
Correct article usage
the emission
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 of carbon dioxide from
vehicles
Use synonyms
;cars,trucks and planes.    The process starts when trees and
plants
Use synonyms
 grow with  the main source of  energy,which is a combination of sunlight and carbon dioxide.In the following stage, mature
plants
Use synonyms
 are harvested with
vehicles
Use synonyms
 before pre-processing
that
Correct word choice
which
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 crushes these
plants
Use synonyms
 to make
ready
Correct pronoun usage
them ready
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 for processing.The next stage is cleaning parts of
plants
Use synonyms
 for cellulose before processing which adds chemical substances to separate sugars from cellulose.    In the stage
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, sugar
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
 in a chemical lab is mixed with  microbes and
ethanol
Use synonyms
,which is made by adding microbes to sugars is ready.Ultimately,
ethanol
Use synonyms
 is used as a fuel in various
vehicles
Use synonyms
.The process ends when carbon dioxide is emitted from
vehicles
Use synonyms
 into the environment and
this
Linking Words
 cycle starts again.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ethanol, plants, vehicles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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