Some people think that Olympics games are exciting events that bring ather nations together. Other say Olympics is a waste of money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

First of all,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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am a big fan of
Correct article usage
the olympics
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olympics
Correct your spelling
olympic
games and try to watch when to
be
Wrong verb form
are
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helding
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held
. About the first
opinion
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opinion,
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this
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is truly approvable that multiple nations from all over the world get in touch with
eact
Correct your spelling
each
other and show their own culture during the event. If we will talk about the good sides of
this
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we have to admit bringing nations together is not just one.
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Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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it is a good
sport
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sports
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event
which
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in which
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people spend their time in a good way and joyfully. Talking about the second thought,
actually
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actually,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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do not agree and
support
Correct pronoun usage
support it
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.
Everytime
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Every time
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you can find better things to spend your money
,
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on, however
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Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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it does not mean not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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do things you want.
Although
Linking Words
there are better and better options to spend money, these games show inspiring souls and equality of human beings

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors. For example, 'holding' should replace 'helding,' and 'approvable' does not flow well in the context; consider using 'valid.'
task achievement
Expand on your ideas further by providing specific examples related to the benefits and drawbacks of the Olympics. This would enhance your argument in a meaningful way.
coherence and cohesion
Consider concluding your essay with a strong summary of your thoughts to reinforce your opinion and provide clarity to the reader.
task achievement
You express a clear opinion and show passion for the Olympics, which makes your writing engaging.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction presents the topic and the two opposing views, which is a good start to set context for your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
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