IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that non academic subjects should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate only on academics. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Academic performance has been discussed widely recently. Many people encourage omitting
the
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non-academic
courses
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 from the school curriculum as they believe
students
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 should focus only on academics. I totally disagree with
this
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 statement. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I think that extracurricular activities are essential for
students
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' academic performance. One key reason is that it improves their critical thinking skills.
In other words
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, it encourages
students
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 to think out of the box, connecting what they have learned with real-life situations.
For example
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, in my science class, a student suggested using
the
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a
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 simple machine to help disabled people get to the second floor.
This
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 has helped
students
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 not only to find practical solutions
,
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 but
also
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 to be creative. Another reason is that the non-academic programs help to discover the children's talents.
Which
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 leads to creativity in the long term, as those
courses
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 open the doors for kids to come up with original ideas that benefit the community.
For instance
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, in the school community, some
students
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 volunteered to paint the music room walls, showing
a
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creative and unique work that positively impacted the school environment. In conclusion, I disagree with cancelling the non-academic
courses
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 as I strongly believe those programs enhance the
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students'
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student's
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 critical thinking skills and creativity, which benefits their society.
Moreover
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, Governments and educational institutions should invest in spreading awareness of the crucial role non-academic
courses
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 play in real-life
students
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' experiences.

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your main points. This would strengthen your argument and provide deeper insight into your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and stays focused on that idea, which will further enhance coherence and clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion that clearly present your position and summarise your main arguments.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate your points, demonstrating real-life applications of non-academic subjects in education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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