In many countries children are engaged in different kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

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Engaging

kids

Use synonyms

in various

paid-work

Correct your spelling

paid work

show examples

is widespread in a lot of countries.

While

Linking Words

individuals believe that it is not a good idea, others claim that it

worth

Add a missing verb

is worth

show examples

to experience

Change the verb form

experiencing

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

, because it is significant for learning and responsibility acceptance.

This

Linking Words

essay will explain why I slightly agree that

chlidren

Correct your spelling

children

should be engaged in paid

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

Firstly

Linking Words

, engaging

kids

Use synonyms

paid-work

Correct your spelling

paid work

show examples

can improve their economic

skills

Use synonyms

It is clear that

Linking Words

chilldren’s

Correct your spelling

children’s

initial finance

skills

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as calculating costs, incomes and

profit

Fix the agreement mistake

profits

show examples

can be developed by

this

Linking Words

method.

Also

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

will learn how they can earn money

efficiency

Replace the word

efficiently

show examples

. My older brother,

for instance

Linking Words

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

worked in my father’s store as a seller, when he was a child, and now he is a successful sell manager in a well-known

rtailing

Correct your spelling

retailing

brand. My brother believes that his today

succeed

Replace the word

success

show examples

is because of his

experince

Correct your spelling

experience

in childhood.

Secondly

Linking Words

kids

Use synonyms

who work and earn money independently, usually have more

self-confident

Replace the word

self-confidence

show examples

. Since economic activities can both develop social

skills

Use synonyms

and decrease financial dependency

Change preposition

show examples

others, people who work and have income usually seem confident persons and

children

Use synonyms

are not

expection

Correct your spelling

expected

. So

children

Use synonyms

’s

self-confident

Replace the word

self-confidence

show examples

can increase

Change preposition

through

show examples

economic activities.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some people are worried that

this

Linking Words

activity can affect

children

Use synonyms

’s education

negetively

Correct your spelling

negatively

. They claim that when

children

Use synonyms

should go to school, it is

undeniable

Add an article

an undeniable

the undeniable

show examples

fact that engaging in

paid-works

Correct your spelling

paid

show examples

are extra

presure

Correct your spelling

pressure

. So

this

Linking Words

can be considered an indispensable distraction for their education process.

For example

Linking Words

, when

kids

Use synonyms

are forced to work after school, they cannot do their

homeworks

Correct your spelling

homework

on-time

Correct your spelling

on time

show examples

However

Linking Words

, I believe that schools can deal with

this

Linking Words

problem by teaching time-planning to

children

Use synonyms

and limiting their weekly work-permit time. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

engaging

children

Use synonyms

in paid-works can have

Correct article usage

a negetive

show examples

negetive

Correct your spelling

negative

effect on their education process, I think it is suitable to be experienced by

kids

Use synonyms

because it can improve their economic

skills

Use synonyms

and increase their

self-confidents

Correct your spelling

self-confidence

abbas75rSat Apr 26 2025

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Task Achievement

Consider expanding your introduction to include a clear thesis statement that outlines your main argument more explicitly. This will help set clear expectations for the reader.

Coherence and Cohesion

Be careful with spelling and grammar errors (e.g., 'chlidren' should be 'children', 'negetive' should be 'negative', 'succeed' should be 'success'). Such inaccuracies can distract from your overall message.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that you conclude your essay with a stronger summarization of your main points and a final opinion that ties back to your introduction and thesis statement. This can help reinforce the argument you've presented.

Task Achievement

Your essay presents a balanced view, addressing both sides of the argument, which is a positive aspect of task response.

Task Achievement

You provide a personal example that helps to illustrate your point and makes your argument more relatable.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

313 words

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In many countries children are engaged in different kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

As science and technology contribute most to the development of society, science students should get more financial support from government than students in other fields (eg. business, language, etc.). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Today the high sale of popular consumer goods reflects the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You would like to reduce your working hours in order to study part time. Write a letter to your boss. In your letter • explain why you want to reduce your working hours • say which hours you would like to work • describe how your part-time studies would benefit your employer

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Other believes the money should be spent on improving exisitng public transport. Discuss both views and give your own pinion.