IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

‘Children do not respect their parents as much as they did in the past. This behaviour is now having a negative impact on society.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

We all know that the world is like a global village and getting closer every day.
Due to
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this
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 globalization family norms have totally changed, Our family system was very strong in the recent past, but digital inventions rapidly penetrated our lives. The most important argument we are facing today is related to the
children
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's behaviour with their family members especially with the
parents
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. As the unlimited penetration of digital technology increases, family relations have gone
in
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into
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 a passive mood.
This
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 will affect a lot of
children
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's attitudes towards their
parents
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. Because digital technology has the solutions to almost every issue we face in our daily lives we do not need any other person to get information and advice about the problem or how to deal with it. In
children
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's cases, the situation becomes worse because they spend maximum of
there
Correct your spelling
their
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time
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 on digital devices
while
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 gaming or scrolling , and they feel happy because those types of devices react as they like and no more interference from anyone.
Furthermore
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, it could be said that kids become addicted to these devices which creates a lot of problems in their physical and mental approach. But the question that arises here that who is responsible for
such
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 an attitude, I think
this
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 is the
parent's
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parents'
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 responsibility to change their attitude before balming anything else
,
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apply
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 because the
parents
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 are the first teachers of their
children
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 and they do what they learn from them , so
parents
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 should realise their duty and create a friendly atmosphere and try to get rid of unnecessary use of gadgets, so the kids spend more
time
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 with there
parents
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 and express their thoughts without any hesitation
In addition
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, I would like to share my own experience regarding the above point, I have a kid, who like other kids, spends a lot of his
time
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gamming
Correct your spelling
gaming
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 and scrolling or seeing useless content.
This
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 creates serious physical and mental issues with him.
Then
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 as
parents
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, we realised that if we want to protect our kid we should change our attitude first and manage to spend more
time
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 with him, If we want to make our
children
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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respectful people in society
then
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, first of all, we should bring change in
our selves
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ourselves
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.

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task achievement
Expand on the introduction by clearly stating the impact of changing family norms on societal issues. It would help to outline the main points you plan to discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve flow. Use linking words and phrases to connect your thoughts more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or further develop the examples you mentioned to support your arguments more convincingly.
content
Your discussion of the impact of digital devices on children's behavior is relevant and insightful, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • individualism
  • traditional values
  • authority
  • communication dynamics
  • pervasive
  • social networks
  • critical thinking
  • authoritarian
  • economic stressors
  • power structures
  • juvenile delinquency
  • family units
  • community cohesion
What to do next:
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