IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that young people should follow older people’s examples while others think it is good for young people to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The bar charts illustrate the average
minutes
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 per day spent on listening to
music
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 and on reading for pleasure among five
age
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groups
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 in New Zealand.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 the
time
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 invested
into
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in
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 reading increased steadily with
age
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,
while
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 the pattern for listening to
music
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 showed more fluctuation across the
age
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groups
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. Notably, the youngest and oldest
groups
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 allocated the highest amount of
time
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 to listening to
music
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,
while
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 the
time
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 spent on reading peaked among the oldest
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group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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. In terms of reading, people aged 15 to 24 spent the least
time
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, averaging around 20
minutes
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 per day.
This
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 figure rose gradually across the
age
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groups
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, reaching approximately 35
minutes
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 for those aged 25-34, and 45
minutes
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 for the 35-44 cohort. Individuals aged 45-54 dedicated around 50
minutes
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 daily, and those aged 55 and above recorded the highest figure, spending nearly 70
minutes
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 reading. Regarding listening to
music
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, the 15-24
age
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group
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 exhibited the highest engagement, averaging 80
minutes
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 per day.
However
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,
this
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 amount dropped significantly to around 60
minutes
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 among those aged 25-34 and
further
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 declined to approximately 40
minutes
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 for the 35-44
group
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. Interestingly, the figures rose again to about 60
minutes
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 among the 45-54
group
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 and almost 75
minutes
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 for individuals aged 55 and above.
Moreover
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,
while
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 reading showed a consistent upward trend with
age
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, listening to
music
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 displayed a more varied pattern, with peaks observed at both extremes of the
age
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 spectrum.

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Task Achievement
The essay clearly addresses the key features of the bar charts, providing a detailed comparison of the data between different age groups. Consider summarizing the key trends more succinctly to make the main points stand out further.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organization of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphs that relate to specific data points. However, ensure that transitions between points are smooth to enhance readability. Using linking phrases can make comparisons clearer.
Task Achievement
The introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion and presents a clear overview of the data trends. Additionally, the use of specific data in the body paragraphs lends credibility to the analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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