IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification Discussed for these views and give your own opinion

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Some would argue that
college
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 learners want to study other topics
besides
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 the primary course,
while
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 others say it is more essential to give all their attention to the course they sign up
.
Change preposition
for.
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 I believe that taking subjects
beside
Replace the word
besides
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 the main
one
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will open more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 for them in the
future
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. On the
one
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 hand,
students
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 who think studying and focusing
in
Change preposition
on
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 only
one
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 field,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is better than taking other subjects. They believe that, if they
took
Wrong verb form
take
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 more than the main
one
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, it will lead to distraction and bad grades.
However
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, putting all your effort
in
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into
show examples
one
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 thing,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can lead to stress. And
as a result
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 of that, a lot of learners drop out of the university.
For example
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, colleges in Saudi Arabia do not allow their
students
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 to take more than
one
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 subject. Because of that, a lot of
students
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 decided to drop out and study abroad.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 does not make
students
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 get better in their grades, and it has a negative impact on them during the course.
On the other hand
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, studying other disciplines
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 the main
one
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has a significant impact on pupils’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and
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future
Fix the agreement mistake
futures
show examples
. Taking other courses might reduce the chances of securing a higher-
level
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 position in their career life.
Moreover
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, taking classes like
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 or music can lower the
level
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 of stress, because many
students
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 suffer from anxiety.
As a result
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 of that, in the
future
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, we will have a higher
level
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 of education.
For example
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,
in
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apply
show examples
King’s
College
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 London,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
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 to choose more than
one
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 general topic, and
also
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 short trips.
This
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 is what makes studying
in
Change preposition
at
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 King’s
College
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 exciting and joyful.
However
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, I believe that taking general topics can increase the
level
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 of knowledge, and it helps make the
college
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 years a more joyful and enriching experience. In conclusion,
although
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 focusing on
one
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 topic might lead to anxiety,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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it will not help
students
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 in their career life, and it will lead to a lack of education in the
future
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.
However
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,
taking
Change preposition
by taking
show examples
 more than
one
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 topic alongside the discipline,
students
Use synonyms
 are more likely to achieve a broader and more advanced
level
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Provide more detailed explanations and examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, elaborate on why taking additional subjects leads to better opportunities.
coherence and cohesion
Try to clarify your main points and ensure each paragraph clearly corresponds to the ideas mentioned in your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the transition between your ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
You have provided a clear opinion in the introduction and concluded with a summary of your views, demonstrating good structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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