IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

You stayed in a hotel where you faced a great deal of noise in the early morning due to faulty central heating system. Write to manager to discuss the problem, the conversation you had with the manager and what do you want from manager

Dear Sir/ Madam, I am
witting
Verb problem
writing
show examples
this
Linking Words
 to express my dissatisfaction with your service. I stayed in your
hotl
Correct your spelling
hotel
 from April I5 to
spril
Correct your spelling
April
 16 with my Family.
However
Linking Words
, the central heating
systen
Correct your spelling
system
 was creating huge noise in the
carly
Correct your spelling
early
 morning, and we couldn't sleep because of the problem. Before leaving the hotel, I already discussed the entire issue with the manager and he assured me that we
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 receive
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
compensation within a week. Now,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 been three weeks and we did not receive even an apology email from the hotel .
Although
Linking Words
, I tried to contact the receptionist but they were not ready to listen to my query. I want
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the manager should accept their negligence and follow up with the compensation he promised us. I am hoping positive conversation with the manager ahead  yours faithfully, Jashan Mavi

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread for spelling errors (e.g., 'witting' should be 'writing', 'hotl' should be 'hotel', 'I5' should be '15', 'spril' should be 'April', 'systen' should be 'system', 'carly' should be 'early'). This will improve the overall clarity of your letter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures to enhance your writing style and maintain the reader's interest. For example, try combining shorter sentences or using transition phrases.
Task Achievement
Expanding on your thoughts about the noise issue could make your letter more persuasive. You might briefly mention how it affected your family's stay.
Task Achievement
To enhance your writing tone, it would be beneficial to be slightly more formal and to soften phrases when expressing dissatisfaction, perhaps by using 'I would appreciate' instead of 'I want'.
Task Achievement
Your letter clearly outlines the issue you faced, the discussion with the manager, and what you expect in return, which is good for task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your letter is generally clear, with distinct paragraphs that make it easy to follow your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: