IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that global warming should be dealt with by governments. Others feel that it is the responsibility of individuals in society to solve the problem. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is believed by a plethora number of
citizens
Use synonyms
 that
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 is the most responsible
to tackle
Change preposition
for tackling
show examples
Global
Correct article usage
the Global
show examples
 warming phenomenon.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 others think that
this
Linking Words
 event
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 the responsibility of every person in society.
Both
Use synonyms
 opinions should get a mindful consideration,
while
Linking Words
 I opine that
both
Use synonyms
parts
Correct your spelling
parties
show examples
 should collaborate to inert that global phenomenon. Temperature increasing slowly brings
mother earth
Correct your spelling
Mother Earth
show examples
 to a catastrophe situation, and worth a very serious concern to any living kind in
this
Linking Words
 world. Myriad approaches have been,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
, and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 going to be explored to end
this
Linking Words
 endangering condition.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the power possessed, the
Government
Use synonyms
 could deliberate a law
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
policy or
regulation
Use synonyms
 to reduce or even end
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming. Seeing through many daily living aspects, people tend to do activities that boost
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the greenhouse
gases
Fix the agreement mistake
gas
show examples
 release
such
Linking Words
 as deforestation, using fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
, and burning the
forest
Use synonyms
 to open land for agriculture or built-up land. These should be governed using law and policy management published by the authorities.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the Indonesia
show examples
Indonesia
Correct your spelling
Indonesian government
show examples
Government
Use synonyms
 has declared its commitment to
Paris
Correct article usage
the Paris
show examples
 Agreement to reduce carbon
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 and
encounter
Verb problem
apply
show examples
global warming. The notable action has been shown by some
Use synonyms
regulation’s
Change noun form
regulations
show examples
 enforcement and its sanctions regarding conservation
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
,
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
 to use public transportation and
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 better public transportation services,
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
 to shifting to electrical
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
 or solar-harvesting energy sources, and fire
forest
Use synonyms
 monitoring. Reforestation and
forest
Use synonyms
 rehabilitation
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 could be depicted as how
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
Add a missing verb
is concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their responsibility to keep Indonesia’s
Use synonyms
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
, reducing
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
, and more on carbon storage.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Government
Use synonyms
 control and
regulation
Use synonyms
 regarding land use planning
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 crucial to
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 green open space
exist
Verb problem
apply
show examples
between the concrete jungle. As
now
Change preposition
of now
show examples
, urban
forest
Use synonyms
 is
undeniable
Add an article
an undeniable
show examples
 part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 sustainable urban planning documents in many cities in Indonesia.
However
Linking Words
, the
Government
Use synonyms
 has limitations on executing all tasks on reducing global warming. As part of the nation, the
citizens
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 responsible to support and implement all the
Government
Use synonyms
’s programs. For whom the
regulation
Use synonyms
 has been made if these were not for the society who should follow through the
regulation
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 The society
act
Change the verb form
acts
show examples
 as the daily executor
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 the supervisor. As the executor
means
Verb problem
apply
show examples
citizens
Use synonyms
 do the
government
Use synonyms
regulation
Use synonyms
 by not cutting down the
forest
Use synonyms
, more on using public transportation, not using fossil fuel, or even
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 some green action
such
Linking Words
 as
forest
Use synonyms
 restoration or rehabilitation. In the realm of infrastructure development, housing or city life developers have to consider green infrastructure to support sustainable livelihood. Meanwhile, being a supervisor means
citizens
Use synonyms
 could take part
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 monitoring fellow community. Not only by the
government
Use synonyms
, supervising the action on global warming should be the responsibility of the
citizens
Use synonyms
. An example from Wanatirta in Kulonprogo Indonesia
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has been taking care of
mangrove
Correct article usage
the mangrove
show examples
forest
Use synonyms
 since 2015 and has changed the coastal condition from arid to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dense
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, many
indigenous
Capitalize word
Indigenous
show examples
 people and their local wisdom (
such
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
as in
show examples
 Papua or Borneo) with their
commitment
Replace the word
committed
show examples
 to
protect
Change the verb form
protecting
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
the forest
show examples
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
 from any possible threat including
forest
Use synonyms
 fire or illegal logging. Those
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
paths lead to a sustainable approach
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 global warming.
This
Linking Words
 reveals the
feel
Replace the word
feeling
show examples
 of belonging to their
earth
Change noun form
earth's
show examples
 condition
To conclude
Linking Words
, countering global
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 require an understanding, willingness, and concern from all aspects
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a country.
Both
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and the
citizens
Use synonyms
 are required to be cooperative in tackling
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
 warming effect.
Both
Use synonyms
 have their own responsibilities, where
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
ruled
Wrong verb form
rules
show examples
 the
regulation
Use synonyms
,
implementation
Correct word choice
and implementation
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 responsible follow and do the
regulation
Use synonyms
 to reduce
global
Add an article
the global
show examples
 warming effect.
However
Linking Words
, supervision
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
regulation
Use synonyms
 implementation could be done by
both
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 and the
citizens
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your essay presents a balanced view of the topic by discussing both governmental and individual responsibilities towards global warming. This is great as it shows your ability to address the task appropriately.
coherence cohesion
While you have included many relevant examples, be careful to ensure clarity in your ideas. Some sentences are a bit convoluted, which can make it harder for the reader to follow your argument. Aim for simpler, clearer sentences in some areas.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance the complexity of your writing. This can help raise your score in coherence and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
You effectively introduced both sides of the argument and expressed your opinion clearly in the introduction, which is a strong point in your essay.
relevant specific examples
You provided a good range of examples from Indonesia which accurately support your points about governmental responsibilities; this adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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