IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? GIve reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write atleast 250 words

It is widely debated whether
money
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 or
job
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satisfaction
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 is more vital in the workplace. The writer of
this
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 essay believes
job
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satisfaction
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 serves as the most important
element
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 as it not only brings
workers
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 more chances to succeed but
also
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 helps enhance
workers
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' mental
health
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. It is vital to understand that when
workers
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 are interested in their jobs, their chances of being successful will be increased. To clarify, finding pleasure in
work
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 helps
workers
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 lengthen their
work
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 time, meaning that they can be able to
work
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 for a long period of time without complaints or hesitations, optimally improving their productivity at
work
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.
Consequently
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, by being hard-working for enough amount of time, the seniors can easily recognise their potential and
therefore
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 promoted to a higher position, which paves the way for their future success. Another point
that is
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 worth mentioning is that
job
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satisfaction
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 can improve individuals' mental
health
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. It is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fact that the pressure created by deadlines or KPIs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 usually overwhelming and depressing to
people
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, which can cause some mental illnesses
such
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 as depression or sleep disorders.
However
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, working in a
job
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 that
people
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 are truly passionate about can make them no longer feel overwhelmed
as well as
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 give them the true meaning of life, making their lives more meaningful and ensuring
workers
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' mental well-being.
For instance
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,
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 shown that
people
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 are more likely to get over their mental problems after switching to a
job
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 that suits their ambition
as well as
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 their purposes of living.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 claim that the monetary
element
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 is more vital than
job
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satisfaction
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.
This
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 point has credibility since
money
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 in
this
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 case presents how efficient they are in the
job
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, providing them a sense of achievement.
Moreover
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, the paid
money
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 can be spent on many essential things
such
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 as clothes or vehicles.
Nevertheless
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, if individuals only focus on the monetary value, they will never understand the real meaning of life and be absorbed in their
work
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, leading to a lot of potential problems related to mental
health
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 if they fail to balance their
work
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 and lives. In conclusion,
although
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money
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 is an essential
element
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 of a
job
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due to
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 the financial benefit it offers,
this
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 essay has shown that
job
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satisfaction
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 is the most important
element
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 not only because it can lead
people
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 to success but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 enhances human mental
health
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider providing more counterarguments and rebuttals to strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear progression of ideas; try to use linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the writer's stance and sets up the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples that support the main arguments, which helps to illustrate the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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