IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The advent of the internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Do you feel this working agreement has more advantages or disadvantages question mark

Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 an important technology worldwide. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, it helps a lot of
workers
Use synonyms
 by allowing them to
work
Use synonyms
 from their own houses.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is beneficial to examine and discuss the pros and cons of working at
home
Use synonyms
. There are several merits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 working at
home
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
, people will have plenty of free time which helps them to improve themselves or take care of their children. To give an instance, in some countries like
UAE
Add a comma
UAE,
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
female
workers
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
 which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a positive impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their family life.
Beside to
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
 that, it increases
efficiency
Add an article
the efficiency
show examples
 of the
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 employees
work
Use synonyms
 in
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
 of day.
For example
Linking Words
, they will
work
Use synonyms
 after they
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
home
Correct your spelling
homework
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 or even after they deliver their children. Despite the advantages, there are demerits too. The
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
 disadvantage is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of communication. To clarify, people are unable to communicate and interact with their
collageous
Correct your spelling
colleagues
. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, they do not have any ideas regarding
team works
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 or discussions.
In addition
Linking Words
,
workers
Use synonyms
 will be less energetic because they do their
work
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
 of
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 most of them do not wake up
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 morning.
Also
Linking Words
, they will prefer doing other things online
such
Linking Words
 as going to a supermarket to
purachase
Correct your spelling
purchase
 their needs. In my point of view, I totally believe that working at
home
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for some people in society,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the drawbacks outweigh the benefits because individuals will be lazy, less energetic, and less social
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 with their
To conclude
Linking Words
,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is a great invention which
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
 in
easy
Change the article
an easy
show examples
 way,
however
Linking Words
 working at
home
Use synonyms
 has
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
multiple benefits and drawbacks.I hope using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 as
Add an article
an
the
show examples
invention to help us in different aspects rather than
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 it in
dengerous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 that
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 negatively

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your examples and ensure they are detailed and fully support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on grammatical accuracy and word choice to enhance readability. Try to avoid run-on sentences and ensure you transition smoothly between points.
task achievement
You have identified both the advantages and disadvantages of working from home, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your examples illustrate your points, such as the situation in the UAE, which shows good context.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: