IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, many people move to different countries for work. Why do people choose to work abroad? What problems can this cause?

In recent days, a lot of individuals
move
Wrong verb form
have moved
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 out to new countries for employment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that many members of society work abroad because other cities offer better opportunities.
However
Linking Words
, they could suffer from homesickness, and they might break the
law
Use synonyms
 in some situations. Many big cities
over
Rephrase
all over
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 the world offer a big opportunity with a great salary. A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from unemployment in their
country
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 and lack of money, so the only chance they have is
leaving
Change the verb form
to leave
show examples
 the
country
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.
However
Linking Words
, they found it a good possibility to discover themselves and to travel to new places.
For example
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, many
people
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 move to London to work there because the UK offers foreigners a higher income and covers all their needs
such
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 as flats and cars. And
this
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 is why
people
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 prefer to work outside of their
country
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. Many foreigners suffer depression and stress and all that
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
result of homesickness.
However
Linking Words
,
People
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 may feel isolated and disconnected from their families. And
this
Linking Words
 can affect their performance in their job. Another issue
than
Change preposition
apply
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that is
Linking Words
 they may break the
law
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 if they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not educate themselves about the culture and the
law
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 of the new
country
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can lead them to lose their job or their life.
For example
Linking Words
, in the UK, before issuing a visa to a foreign worker, the government often
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 a proof test to make sure they know exactly what the
law
Use synonyms
 in the UK is. In conclusion, working abroad is a better choice to discover yourself and to travel worldwide in an easy way and it offers a great opportunity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it could be hard because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 homesickness and stress and they must study the
law
Use synonyms
 to not risk their life.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main points in your introduction to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more detailed explanations to strengthen the overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument about why people choose to work abroad and potential problems they may face.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example of people moving to London for better job opportunities, which enhances your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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