IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays more and more older people who need employment have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. Umar What problems does this cause? What are the solutions?

These days more and more aged individuals
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need to compete with younger people for similar
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main cause of
this
Linking Words
 issue,it
is happen
Change the verb form
is happening
show examples
due to
Linking Words
fault
Correct article usage
the fault
show examples
 of the
govenrment
Correct your spelling
government
 and lack of occupation. The most suitable solution is to introduce
approach
Correct article usage
an approach
show examples
Fix the infinitive
to job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 for both generations and increase
pension
Add an article
the pension
show examples
. The primary reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem is not enough
work
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 for both
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of individuals, which governments can`t
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
propose.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 recently more and more
profession
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
 began to
being
Change the verb
be
show examples
availbe
Correct your spelling
available
work
Use synonyms
 from home, it
don`t
Change the verb form
doesn`t
show examples
 help to reduce the number of jobless people. That
connect
Change the verb form
connects
show examples
 with insufficient attention
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
given by the government to the growing difficulty of unemployment, and negligence in their actions. There is a classic example, in France in 2015 was observed a fact by
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 Labour of French of
unemployments
Fix the agreement mistake
unemployment
show examples
 in nearly 12-24 months, and their special workers got a huge quantity of money to prevent
this
Linking Words
 situation.
However
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and professionalism that money was spent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 another problem with
stuff
Correct your spelling
staff
show examples
 reduction from another country. Several
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 after, there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 absolutely collapse, Furthemore, recovery from
this
Linking Words
 situation costs a
miillions
Correct your spelling
million
millions
. A viable solution is to create
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 position
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 every age and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of
retirenment
Correct your spelling
retirement
 benefit. Boosting pension payments can partly stop
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
work
Use synonyms
 shortage.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
Correct article usage
the elderly`s
show examples
elderly`s
Change noun form
elderly
show examples
 happy. The authorities have to more
attended
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
joblessness and try to find ways to do it.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 1999 in China was a lack of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,in spite of
big
Correct word choice
the large
show examples
 population.
And
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
China International Employment Services
was suggest
Change the verb form
was suggested
show examples
 to anyone interested
to
Change preposition
in working
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in
a villages
Correct the article-noun agreement
villages
a village
show examples
. There was
Correct your spelling
significant
Correct article usage
a significannt
show examples
significannt
Correct your spelling
significant
 increase in new workers after 6
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 statement In conclusion, The main cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem is
innacurately
Correct your spelling
inaccurate
 decisions by the governments and job
shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
show examples
. The most fundamental
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
show examples
 is to create appropriate
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 for any
acessible
Correct your spelling
accessible
 age and grow old age benefits.

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coherence
Work on improving the clarity of your main ideas and ensure each paragraph logically flows into the next.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples related to unemployment.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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