Some people think that children's leisure activities must be educational otherwise, they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

In modern times,
children
Use synonyms
are spending less
time
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with their families and more
time
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with their
friends
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In
the develop
Wrong verb form
development
show examples
children
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don'
t
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play outside
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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want to play
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parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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.
This
Linking Words
is
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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control
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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outside their
parents
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. The
children
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don'
t
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going
Change the verb form
go
show examples
to the park, flower garden and
grandma
Change noun form
grandma's
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house.
Their
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
want to the
playstation
Correct your spelling
PlayStation
video games zone with
friends
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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my little brother
go
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goes
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to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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video games with
friends
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you way
a
Correct determiner usage
another
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more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
example. You can the lessons,
washing
Replace the word
wash
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dishes
helped
Verb problem
apply
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,
sleep
Correct word choice
and sleep
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at 22:00. If you can
a
Remove the article
apply
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their works you
going
Wrong verb form
go
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to the video games.
Children
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with family more
time
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carrying
Wrong verb form
carry
show examples
out
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
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children
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played
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
develop
Change the verb form
develops
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world
children
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if you
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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kind happiness
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
don'
t
Use synonyms
go to the outside. Their parent
finde
Correct your spelling
find
a
Change the article
an
show examples
example your
children
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go to the library with
friends
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. And your
children
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don'
t
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sit at home The
parents
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Linking Words
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
problem find a with your
children
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speak your
heart beat
Correct your spelling
heartbeat
show examples
. The developed can a must IT, but
normal
Add an article
a normal
show examples
life . The
children
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be unnecessary lessons in
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
future.
They
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
speak ,
read
Correct word choice
and read
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an
Change the article
a
show examples
lesson. But the
time
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their
Replace the word
there
show examples
is a married and with family. I
am write
Change the verb form
am writing
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this
Linking Words
essay
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children
Change preposition
about children
show examples
more
time
Use synonyms
with a family but
normal
Change the word
normally
show examples
with
friends
Use synonyms
. If
parents
Use synonyms
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
do their
children
Use synonyms
's at home .They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can
played
Change the verb form
play
be played
show examples
with
children
Use synonyms
and ask ed a day with who played and what all day can do .

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your position on the topic. It should include a thesis statement that sets the tone for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words (e.g., 'firstly', 'however', 'for example', 'in addition') to improve the flow of your ideas from one sentence and paragraph to another.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you include a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your position on the topic. This provides closure to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to structure your paragraphs around a single main idea, providing explanations and examples to support it, which will help improve clarity.
task achievement
You've attempted to engage with a relevant topic regarding children's leisure activities, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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