IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that children's leisure activities must be educational otherwise, they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In modern times,
children
Use synonyms
 are spending less
time
Use synonyms
 with their families and more
time
Use synonyms
 with their
friends
Use synonyms
Body paragraph 1
In
the develop
Wrong verb form
development
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 play outside
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want to play
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 control
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 outside their
parents
Use synonyms
. The
children
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
going
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to the park, flower garden and
grandma
Change noun form
grandma's
show examples
 house.
Their
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 want to the
playstation
Correct your spelling
PlayStation
 video games zone with
friends
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 my little brother
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video games with
friends
Use synonyms
 you way
a
Correct determiner usage
another
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
example. You can the lessons,
washing
Replace the word
wash
show examples
 dishes
helped
Verb problem
apply
show examples
,
sleep
Correct word choice
and sleep
show examples
 at 22:00. If you can
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their works you
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to the video games.
Body paragraph 2
Children
Use synonyms
 with family more
time
Use synonyms
carrying
Wrong verb form
carry
show examples
 out
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
Use synonyms
played
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
develop
Change the verb form
develops
show examples
 world
children
Use synonyms
 if you
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
kind happiness
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 go to the outside. Their parent
finde
Correct your spelling
find
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example your
children
Use synonyms
 go to the library with
friends
Use synonyms
. And your
children
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 sit at home
Body paragraph 3
The
parents
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 problem find a with your
children
Use synonyms
 speak your
heart beat
Correct your spelling
heartbeat
show examples
. The developed can a must IT, but
normal
Add an article
a normal
show examples
 life . The
children
Use synonyms
 be unnecessary lessons in
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 future.
Body paragraph 4
They
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 speak ,
read
Correct word choice
and read
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 lesson. But the
time
Use synonyms
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is a married and with family.
Conclusion
I
am write
Change the verb form
am writing
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay
Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
about children
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
 with a family but
normal
Change the word
normally
show examples
 with
friends
Use synonyms
. If
parents
Use synonyms
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 do their
children
Use synonyms
's at home .They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can
played
Change the verb form
play
be played
show examples
 with
children
Use synonyms
 and ask ed a day with who played and what all day can do .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your position on the topic. It should include a thesis statement that sets the tone for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words (e.g., 'firstly', 'however', 'for example', 'in addition') to improve the flow of your ideas from one sentence and paragraph to another.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you include a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your position on the topic. This provides closure to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to structure your paragraphs around a single main idea, providing explanations and examples to support it, which will help improve clarity.
task achievement
You've attempted to engage with a relevant topic regarding children's leisure activities, which is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: