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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows the number of overseas students enrolled in a third year Computer Science course at a Canadian college. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of overseas students enrolled in a third year Computer Science course at a Canadian college. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
 bar chart displays
a information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 about the number of applying indicators by
students
Use synonyms
 for a
third year
Add a hyphen
third-year
show examples
 computer science course at a Canadian college.
Overall
Linking Words
,the enrollment applications belong to various core options;networking and database.All
students
Use synonyms
 from different sides of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 participated
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there.In China,most male and female
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled and fewer applications were received from France.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,each gender of countries applied both core options except
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
 group of France.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the chart illustrates that female
students
Use synonyms
 covered
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 parts of enrollments approximately equal to 30,000 but in Sri
lanka
Change the capitalization
Lanka
show examples
,male
students
Use synonyms
 numbers were indeed higher than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,In Malaysia and China,female
students
Use synonyms
 preferred to choose
networking
Correct article usage
the networking
show examples
 option
while
Linking Words
 male members considered
database
Correct article usage
the database
show examples
 section.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,female
students
Use synonyms
’ numbers from Singapore and Malaysia
equal
Add a missing verb
are equal
show examples
 to each other so 7,000.
Additionally
Linking Words
,male
students
Use synonyms
 in France
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
tried to keep a balance between core options and 1,000 enrollments received for both of them.
Summary
Change preposition
In summary
show examples
,approximately 57,000
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
on this
show examples
 college and applications from networking and
database
Fix the agreement mistake
databases
show examples
 were 27,000 and 30,000,respectively.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrollment
  • overseas students
  • third year
  • Computer Science course
  • Canadian college
  • trends
  • plateau
  • significant changes
  • economic factors
  • educational reputation
  • dynamics
  • implications
  • resource planning
  • classroom diversity
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