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Band 5.5

The chart below shows the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries (Australia, Japan, the USA, and Belgium) in 1970 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries (Australia, Japan, the USA, and Belgium) in 1970 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
‏The line chart illustrates the percentages of
both
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 men and women aged between 60 and 64, who were working in different
countries
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:
Australia
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,
Japan
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,
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, and
Belgium
Use synonyms
 in 1970 and 2000. ‏
Overall
Linking Words
, the most notable trend is that the
number
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 of employed
males
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 aged 60–64 significantly exceeded the
number
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 of
females
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 in the same age group. ‏
To begin
Linking Words
 with, all four
countries
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 experienced a high percentage of employed
males
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 aged between 60 and 64 in the year
of
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apply
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1970, but
Japan
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 stood out as an exception with 84%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
both
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Australia
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 and
USA
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 were roughly equal with nearly 74% of employed
males
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 at the age of 60.
Belgium
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 was the second-highest country with employed
males
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 in 1970.
Conversely
Linking Words
, in 2000 all four
countries
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 experienced a sharp decline.
While
Linking Words
Japan
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 went from 84% to 76%,
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 plummeted from 84% to 76%.
Both
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Australia
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 and
Belgium
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 underwent the most significant downturn among all
countries
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, reaching 47% and 19% respectively. ‏
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of working
females
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 aged 60 to 64 showed a marginal alteration over time.
While
Linking Words
Australia
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 and
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 rose steadily,
both
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Japan
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 and
Belgium
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 declined gradually over the years. The highest percentage of employed
females
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 aged 60–64 was in
Japan
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 with 43%,
then
Linking Words
 in 2000 the
number
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 slightly declined to 40%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the lowest proportion of
females
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 who work was located in
Belgium
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 with only 8%,
then
Linking Words
 plummeted to 7%.
Although
Linking Words
both
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Australia
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 and
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 recorded 18% and 36% in that order, by the end of 2000, they had reached 19% and 38% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words both, countries, australia, japan, usa, belgium, number, males, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "plummeted" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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