IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Writing Task1 Letter As a teacher, you would like to take your students on a field trip to a museum. Write aletter to the manager

Dear Mr.Potter I hope
this
Linking Words
letter
Use synonyms
 will find you well and in good spirit. I am a teacher. And I am writing
this
Linking Words
letter
Use synonyms
 in order to inform you about a visit. I would like to take my students on a field trip to your museum. If I speak about it, we are planning to come there next week , especially on
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
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 of May.
Due to
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 the fact that I heard that your museum has lots of
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 things from ancient tools to modern technologies.
In addition
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, I was really amazed, when I was informed that there are available the original model of
first
Add an article
the first
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 plane, train and computer.
Moreover
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, in the garden of your
museum
Add a comma
museum,
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 we want to organize a picnic. To tell the truth, I have 30 students. Yet, one of them can not participate because of her extra lessons. So, I hope you will offer us a discount. As a matter of fact, your real price is
bit
Correct article usage
a bit
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 expensive for pupils.
Furthermore
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, I expect that a guide will accompany us through
exhibits
Correct article usage
the exhibits
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.
Also
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, I hope you will take it into consideration and accept my
letter
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 as if it is highly necessary for me. I look forward to your response
my
Change preposition
to my
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letter
Use synonyms
. Yours sincerely, Umurzoqova Z

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coherence and cohesion
Consider revising the greeting and closing for correctness. Instead of 'Dear Mr.Potter', it should be 'Dear Mr. Potter' with a space. The closing should be 'Yours sincerely,' rather than 'Yours sincerely,' without extra spacing.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to express ideas clearly and distinctly. A more structured approach might help in organizing your thoughts better throughout the letter.
task achievement
Ensure you address the task fully by including all necessary details about the field trip in a more organized manner. For example, explicitly mention the purpose of the trip, its educational value, and provide clearer reasoning for the request for a discount.
task achievement
Use a more formal tone throughout the letter to match the context of writing to a manager. Phrases like 'To tell the truth' could be replaced with a more formal introduction to your context.
task achievement
You included essential details about the museum visit, such as the date and the activities planned. This helps convey the purpose of your letter clearly.
task achievement
Your enthusiasm for the museum and its exhibits is palpable, which is great as it demonstrates genuine interest in the trip.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure is good, with a clear beginning, middle, and end that outlines your request well.
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