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Band 5

Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both and give your opinion. umar 2

Several nations have available ages at which individuals can drink. Other countries consider not having severe rules to be a better policy.
Although
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 legal ages can give responsibility for their actions and assist in escaping committing crimes,I believe that forbidden things can create awful habits and addiction. On the one hand, the age of the majority can feel accountability and help to run away do offences. Relying on self-esteem and imagination of consequences after any crime, which can create potential visualization of punishment ,can reduce the percentage of criminal acts.
Moreover
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, that has an impact , especially on youngsters. There is the classic example,in 2015
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Mexico was a dramatic increase in violence,most
of
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them
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were teenagers,with one 1action per
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every 7 humans, the governments of Mexico decided to illustrate what occurs in The National Jail Of Mexico, after showing violent punishments for crimes, there was significant reduce of crime.
Also
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 among students.
On the other hand
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,things banned by the governments could produce terrible routines and dependency. Every youthful person has weaknesses in their desires and bodies.
Due to
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 obtaining new emotions and crazy feelings. After taking it,they can not ignore the favourable sensations and become the hostage of their own wishes, encountering a lack of liquid, and wanting to tipple more and more.
For example
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, famous worldwide scientist Dmitry Mendeleev explored the influence of alcohol on the young generation in 1915. Came to the conclusion that
,
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 any person until 18, who drink alcohol, generates a huge quantity of irreversible consequences
such
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 as mental problems, physical issues and total addiction. In conclusion, even though the drinking age allows feel responsible for freedom and escape from jail, I consider that forbidden drinking can create terrible routines and dependency.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly focuses on one main idea and develops it further with appropriate details. Consider rephrasing and connecting your ideas more fluidly for improved clarity.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more examples or illustrations. Providing additional context or evidence can enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.
grammar and vocabulary
Pay attention to sentence structure and word choice to improve precision and avoid confusion. Review your grammar for any minor errors that could affect clarity.
task achievement
The use of real-world examples, such as the case in Mexico and Mendeleev's research, demonstrates your engagement with the topic and enriches your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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