IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people say we should invest more in space industry while others say we should spend that money on other purposes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that the
space
Use synonyms
industry
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 plays an important role in the modern era.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that many people accept the idea of spending money in the aerospace
industry
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the argument before presenting my view. On one hand, investment in the
space
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industry
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 offers several clear advantages.
Firstly
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, technological advancement
occur
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occurs
show examples
 in several sectors,
such
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 as communications , health ,
ect
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etc
.
Secondly
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, the
space
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industry
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 enhanced forest international collaboration between different nations and
helping
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 them to work for common goals .
For instance
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, the prediction of weather can protect us from natural phenomena.
Moreover
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, economic development will increase by creating new jobs.
For example
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 engineering, scientific professionals and IT. The
Space
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reasearch
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research
 addresses global challenges in the world.
such
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 as understanding the reasons for climate change and resource scarcity which happened in the
last
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 era, may facilitate the
managment
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management
with
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of
show examples
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 problems.
Furthermore
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, GBS is the most superior application result from
this
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 type of
studieas
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study
.
On the other hand
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, Using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money for other purposes is better for humans.
For instance
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, spending many dollars
for
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on
show examples
donation
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donations
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 in
charities
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charity
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 centres will
deacrase
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decrease
 poverty as many poor individuals have no food , even no safe houses with very weak bodies.
In addition
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, improvement of education and healthcare ministries .
For example
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, provide smart and more accurate equipment. In conclusion,
while
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 the aerospace
industry
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 may lead to some challenges, I believe that the
overall
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 benefits outweigh the drawbacks, with proper planning and
investmentvcan
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investment can
investments can
 make huge technological
advancement
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advancements
show examples
 in future.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but it could be more engaging. Consider starting with a broader statement about the importance of space or society's priorities before getting into the arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check your grammar and spelling throughout your essay. For instance, 'reasearch' should be 'research', 'deacrase' should be 'decrease', and 'managment' should be 'management.' Clear language is essential for clarity and cohesion.
task achievement
Some of your points lack specific examples or explanations. For example, when discussing economic development, it would strengthen your argument to elaborate on how jobs are created in the space sector.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion in the introduction and conclusion, showing a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presented points from both sides of the argument, which is a good strategy for this type of prompt, demonstrating critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • investment
  • space industry
  • technological advancements
  • exploration
  • international collaboration
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • global challenges
  • satellite technology
  • pressing issues
  • prioritize
  • funding
  • research and development
  • humanitarian efforts
  • resources allocation
What to do next:
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