IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government in many countries are urgently seeking ways to reduce employment in rular areas. what are the most effective ways to do this? which measure do you think would be the single most effective step that government could take?

The present age is the age of technology and innovation, every sector of life transport to infrastructure, health to education is getting better and
betterr
Correct your spelling
better
. With the best medical facilities available death rate has decreased, which results in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge population. To tackle the pressure of
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
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 number of people
on
Change preposition
in
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 the cities, the government in many countries are looking for methods to reduce employment in
rular
Correct your spelling
rural
 areas and there are several ways for creating job
opertunities
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opportunities
.
First
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First,
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 the agriculture sector should be improved because in villages most of the community tend to earn their livelihood from it.
For
Change preposition
In
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this
Linking Words
 regard loans and
machinery
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machinery,
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 small and bigger
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 should be provided
,
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apply
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 so that the farmer
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 meet the target harvest on time.
Like in
Change preposition
In
show examples
china
Capitalize word
China
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farmer
Fix the agreement mistake
farmers
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 can rent out
hand driven
Add a hyphen
hand-driven
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 machinery
such
Linking Words
 as small
harvester
Fix the agreement mistake
harvesters
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very little rent. Second
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational institutions should arrange trips to countryside areas during vacations, in
this
Linking Words
 way not only the
studetns
Correct your spelling
students
 get attached to nature, tourism and
hospitality
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the hospitality
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 industry will
also
Linking Words
therive
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arrive
 and bring opportunities for locals to earn money. Third manufacturing of small goods like pottery,
wodden
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wooden
 baskets and
hand made
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handmade
show examples
 bags should be in
rular
Correct your spelling
rural
 areas
instead
Linking Words
 of factories, in
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
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 bodies will be able to upgrade their living standard and ultimately unemployment will be reduced. As far as I'm
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 the single most effective step
taht
Correct your spelling
that
 the government could take is to do a
time- to-time
Correct your spelling
time-to-time
show examples
 survey, talk to the local residents and try to find out the problem they are facing. When
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
open
Change the verb form
opens
show examples
 up with authorities,
this
Linking Words
 could be the best chance to understand the depth of their requirements
adn
Correct your spelling
and
 the solutions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, training on farming like fish and crocodile, deer or cow can be provided which would help in economy raise.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could better outline the key points you will discuss in the essay, providing a clearer roadmap for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all spelling errors are corrected (e.g., 'rular' should be 'rural', 'opertunities' should be 'opportunities', 'studetns' should be 'students', and 'wodden' should be 'wooden'). This will improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are slightly repetitive. Try to vary sentence structures and phrasing to maintain the reader's interest and improve flow.
task achievement
In your conclusion, try to summarize your key points concisely and restate your opinion clearly. This will reinforce your argument in the reader's mind.
task achievement
You have identified relevant measures for reducing unemployment in rural areas, which shows good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your points regarding agricultural improvement and the importance of education are well-founded and demonstrate awareness of practical solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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