IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? (Huseyn 1)

Needless to say, businesses usually try to convince customers
with
Change preposition
apply
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that their products are new in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own sector and they emphasise that matter in their
advertaising
Correct your spelling
advertising
. There are some considerable reasons why firms prefer it,
such
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 as attracting shoppers, staying
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 and so on. It is evident that
this
Linking Words
 situation has both positive like
encourging innovstions
Correct your spelling
encouraging innovations
 and detrimental impacts like
overconsumption
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.
One
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 of the primary reasons is that businesses want to attract
customers
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customers'
customer's
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attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
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 and
this
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 method is an elemental way
for
Change preposition
to
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 it. It is evident that the preponderance of individuals are more prone to buying something belonging
the
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to the
show examples
 newness category, it is
a
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an
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 extremely useful way to make money.
This
Linking Words
 strategy with
multitude
Add an article
a multitude
the multitude
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 of benefits is used by businesses in an array of countries around the world.
For instance
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, the technology
giant-Apple
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giant
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-
regognizes
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recognises
 a new
model
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Change preposition
of iphone
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iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
phone
 every year,
however
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, a new
model
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 does not differ from
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
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one
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, Apple sells a myriad of new
iphones
Correct your spelling
iPhones
phones
 with the help of the
advertaising
Correct your spelling
advertising
 strategy; newness. I advocate that the drawbacks of
this
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argumnet
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argument
 outweigh its positive sides. It is hard to say that companies’
this
Linking Words
advertaising
Correct your spelling
advertising
 method is completely detrimental but it directly affects the customers negatively because it can often lead to
overconsumption
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. People are convinced that the new product
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 better previous
one
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 and they tend to buy it even though they really do not need it.
For instance
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, Samsung
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 primarily produces smartphones
introduces
Wrong verb form
introduced
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 a new
model
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smartphone
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of smartphone
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 with
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
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 expensive price, so
this
Linking Words
 new
one
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 mainly does not
varry
Correct your spelling
vary
carry
 previous
model
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 but people tend to buy it
due to
Linking Words
advertaising
Correct your spelling
advertising
, and it leads to
overconsumption
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 because an old
model
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 phone
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not use
although
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 it is workable. In conclusion,
from
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apply
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big companies to small markets emphasise that their products are new in their advertising
because of
Change preposition
for
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 some reasons, including making more money.
Moreover
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, It leads to some negative issues
such
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 as
overconsumption
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear thesis but could benefit from a clearer outline of the reasons you will discuss. Make sure to connect the points explicitly to the topic at hand throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of your ideas. Some sentences are a bit disjointed and could use smoother transitions to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Although you provided examples, some were not thoroughly explained. Ensure your examples directly support your main arguments and are elaborated appropriately to enhance your points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents arguments that are relevant to the question, indicating an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You've identified both positive and negative aspects of the development, showing a balanced perspective which is commendable.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as Apple and Samsung, effectively illustrates your points, and this adds depth to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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