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Writing Samples
Band 6

These days young children spend a lot of time using computers, tablet and smartphones. Some people think that introducing children to technology at a young age is beneficial. Others believe that they would benefit more from traditional games. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.

Nowadays,lots
on
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of
show examples
kids
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 spend a part of their time using electronic devices,
such
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 as laptops, computers, tablets and smartphones. Lots of nations believe that
children
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 should be introduced to
technology
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 at a young age.Others think that the benefits of traditional
games
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 are more than the e-
games
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. People who think that introducing
technology
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 to
children
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 at a young age believe that
technology
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 and the internet have more advantages than traditional
games
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.
For example
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, many
kids
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 can learn reading and writing from educational applications and
games
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, and they will not waste time playing unimportant things.
Children
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 can
also
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 develop their social skills or learn a language by talking with people from different countries.
Technology
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 will help
children
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 improve their imagination.
On the other hand
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, others think that traditional
games
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 are better than electronic
games
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 because they include a lot of Physical
games
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 so they will not stay alone with the devices. The device may pose a danger to
kids
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,
for example
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,
children
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 do not know cyber security so they might get a hacker and they do not recognize that,
while
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 some
kids
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 get addicted to devices which have a bad effect on them. Traditional
games
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 are more useful to have a better connection between the child and his parents or other
kids
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. In conclusion, there are many views on introducing
technology
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 to
children
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 at a young age. Some people consider that it has lots of benefits and advantages ,
while
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 others think that
kids
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 would benefit from traditional
games
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 and they are more useful.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention specific educational applications that help with reading and writing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clearer distinction between the two viewpoints. You might consider organizing paragraphs more distinctly: one for the benefits of technology and one for the advantages of traditional games.
coherence and cohesion
Aim for a more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structure to enhance fluency and coherence.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational apps
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaborative games
  • adaptability
  • digital devices
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • health issues
  • obesity
  • imaginative play
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • pretend play
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