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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The three pie charts illustrate the mean percentages of
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat, and added
sugar
Use synonyms
, which can be harmful
ingredients
Use synonyms
 when eaten too much, in the United States of America.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the
ingredients
Use synonyms
 proportion of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat mainly
contains
Wrong verb form
contained
show examples
 in dinner,
while
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
added
sugar
Use synonyms
dominating
Wrong verb form
dominates
show examples
Use synonyms
snacks
Fix the agreement mistake
snack
show examples
 nutrients.
In addition
Linking Words
, breakfast
carry
Change the verb form
carries
show examples
 the lowest
ingredients
Use synonyms
 among all American daily meals. American people tend to consume
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat more during dinner, with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 proportion of 43% and 37%, respectively. Lunch follows on the second order, which
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 29% of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and 26% of saturated fat.
While
Linking Words
 lunch
hold
Change the verb form
holds
show examples
 the lowest
ingredients
Use synonyms
 among all.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, almost half of
snacks
Use synonyms
 contain
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
added
sugar
Use synonyms
 (around 42% of the ratio),
whereas
Linking Words
 only one-third of the
sodium
Use synonyms
 proportion can be found in
snacks
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
snacks
Use synonyms
 doubled the saturated fat
ingredients
Use synonyms
 in it, with approximately 21%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, ingredients, snacks with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • typical meals
  • percentages
  • saturated fats
  • fibers
  • sugars
  • impact
  • average
  • consumption
  • trends
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • highest
  • lowest
  • variation
  • implications
  • balanced diet
  • recommendations
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