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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019.

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019.
The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the percentage of businesses making e-commerce purchases in Canada's
industry
Use synonyms
 from 2015 to 2019. Beginning with the real figures, information and
communicates
Replace the word
communications
show examples
 show the largest results of the
industry
Use synonyms
, all of them is more than 60%.
In contrast
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 construction which is
smaller
Correct article usage
a smaller
show examples
 proportion, all of
indicators
Add an article
the indicators
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 less than other
Use synonyms
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
show examples
. In detail, in the period of
2015
Add a comma
2015,
show examples
 every
industries
Change to a singular noun
industry
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the lowest parameter whilst in 2019 the majority of them have the biggest, without
retail
Correct article usage
the retail
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
. It can be seen that manufacturing and retail demonstrate unstable growth, there are percentage drops. The other categories were much stabilized.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 be noted that the second highest indicator for all years was wholesale,
this
Linking Words
 is the only
industry
Use synonyms
 whose index has risen above 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 by 2019, with the exception of information and communications.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that all of
industries
Add an article
the industries
show examples
 in
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 between 2015 and 2019
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 steady growth.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words industry with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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