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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show the distribution of the world’s water and the use of water in three countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The charts below show the distribution of the world’s water and the use of water in three countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The diagrams illustrate two main aspects of
water
Use synonyms
: the global distribution of salt and freshwater, and how
water
Use synonyms
 is used across three countries:
Egypt
Use synonyms
,
Saudi
Use synonyms
Arabia
Use synonyms
, and Canada.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the
water
Use synonyms
 is salty
water
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the largest source of freshwater is ice
water
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Egypt
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 and
Saudi
Use synonyms
Arabia
Use synonyms
 have similar purposes of using
water
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Canada has different
usage
Replace the word
uses
show examples
 of
water
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. Globally, the vast majority of the world’s
water
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, 97%, is saltwater, leaving only 3% as freshwater. Of
this
Linking Words
 limited freshwater, the largest portion, 79%, is locked in ice and glaciers. Groundwater constitutes a significant 20%,
while
Linking Words
 surface
water
Use synonyms
 accounts for a mere 1%. Agriculture dominates
water
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 consumption in both
Egypt
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 and
Saudi
Use synonyms
Arabia
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, accounting for approximately 77% and 75% respectively. Domestic use represents a smaller, with
Egypt
Use synonyms
 using around 13% and
Saudi
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Arabia
Use synonyms
 about 12% for
this
Linking Words
 purpose. Industrial
water
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 usage is the lowest in these two countries, at roughly 5% in
Egypt
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 and 13% in
Saudi
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Arabia
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, industry is the primary user of fresh
water
Use synonyms
 in Canada, consuming approximately 70%. Agriculture accounts for a considerably smaller share at about 10%,
while
Linking Words
 domestic use is slightly higher at around 20%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, egypt, saudi, arabia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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