IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In today’s society people tend to buy many things and throw them away even though they can still be used. What are some causes of this behaviour? What are some effects? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Ordinary citizens have been using the internet to draw attention to the lack of healthy eating options in inner cities Over the
last
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 few months, a survey has been carried out of over 200 greengrocers and convenience
stores
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 in Crown Heights, a
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
show examples
 in
Brooklyn
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, New York. As researchers from the
Brooklyn
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Food
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 Association enter the details,
colorful
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colourful
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 dots appear on their online map, which
display
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displays
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 the specific location of each of the
food
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stores
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 in a handful of central
Brooklyn
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neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
show examples
. Clicking on a dot will show you the store's name and whether it carries fresh fruit and vegetables, wholegrain bread, low-fat dairy and other healthy options. The researchers plan eventually to survey the entire borough of
Brooklyn
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. ‘We want to get to a more specific and detailed description of what that looks like’, says Jeffrey Heehs, who leads the project. He hopes it will help residents find fresh
food
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 in urban areas where the
stores
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 sell mostly packaged snacks or fast
food
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, areas
otherwise
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 known as
food
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 deserts. The aim of the project is
also
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 to assist government officials in assessing
food
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 availability, and in forming future policies about what kind of
food
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 should be sold and where. In fact, the
Brooklyn
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 project represents the intersection of two growing trends: mapping fresh
food
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 markets in US cities, and private citizens creating online maps of local
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
show examples
 features.
According to
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 Michael Goodchild, a geographer at the University of California at Santa Barbara, citizen map makers may make maps because there is no good government map, or to record problems
such
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 as burned-out traffic lights.
According to
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 recent studies, people at higher risk of chronic disease and who receive minimal incomes for the work they do, frequently live in neighborhoods located in
food
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 deserts. But how did these
food
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 deserts arise? Linda Alwitt and Thomas Donley, marketing researchers at DePaul University in Chicago, found that supermarkets often can’t afford the amount of land required for their
stores
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 in cities. City planning researcher Cliff Guy and colleagues at the University of Leeds in the UK found in 2004 that smaller urban groceries tend to close
due to
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 competition from suburban supermarkets.

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task achievement
While your response addresses the topic, consider adding a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points you'll discuss. This helps to frame your essay for the reader more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main point that relates back to your overall argument. Use transition words to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points. This could make your argument more persuasive and engaging for the reader.
content
Your essay presents relevant information about food deserts and citizen map-making, showing awareness of complex issues surrounding food access.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • planned obsolescence
  • environmental impact
  • marketing and advertising
  • social status
  • wealth
  • donate
  • recycle
  • identity
  • discard
What to do next:
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