IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern lifestyles are said to negatively affect our health, and most people are too busy to make time for their own health. However, some people argue that by making small changes to our daily routines, we can enjoy a happier, healthier way of life. Discuss both sides of the argument and state a viewpoint

There has long been controversy about our current unhealthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, where currently
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not have time to maintain their own
health
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 there is a good argument to cancel
this
Linking Words
 statement in favour
to make
Change preposition
of making
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have a better
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 some small changes to our daily routine could create a big impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and happiness.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
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 I believe that
by
Change preposition
apply
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changing routines could help
people
Use synonyms
 have a healthier
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Modern
Correct article usage
the Modern
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is all about
junk
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food
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.
People
Use synonyms
is prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
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 to consume
junk
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food
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of real
food
Use synonyms
 because it is more convenient, costs little, and easy to get. Especially for workers, obviously working
people
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does
Change the verb form
do
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 not have time to cook for breakfast and lunch every single day, since workers have a busy day.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it leads
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 to prioritise
to eat
Change the verb form
eating
show examples
 something practical and cheap like
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it will affect
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 in general.
Secondly
Linking Words
, small changes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
 is needed to promote
health
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Meal prep,
instead
Linking Words
 of eating
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 which
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 good for
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 can start
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing meal prep. Meal prep is a good way to maintain
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 in busy schedules.
people
Use synonyms
 just need not more than 3 hours every weekend to prepare the meal for the entire next week.
Worker
Fix the agreement mistake
Workers
show examples
also
Linking Words
 can bring nutritious
food
Use synonyms
 to the office
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. In conclusion, by
put
Change the verb form
putting
show examples
 a little effort and time into our routine it will create huge impacts on
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and
creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 a better
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
The introduction could benefit from clearer articulation of the two sides of the argument as well as a more explicit outline of your viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Improving sentence structure can enhance clarity and flow. Be mindful of subject-verb agreement and try to use more varied sentence constructions.
task achievement
Ensure to clearly present and support all main points. For example, the relationship between busy lifestyles and health could be explored more deeply with additional examples.
content
You effectively identify the main issues related to modern lifestyles and health, giving an insightful overview of the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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