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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows the cost for watching films. The pie charts show the change in the percentage of market share represented by the three forms.

The line graph shows the cost for watching films. The pie charts show the change in the percentage of market share represented by the three forms.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The graph depicts information about the expense of seeing movies,
while
Linking Words
 the chart displays the change in
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of store share provided in three specific forms over a six-year period of
time
Use synonyms
 from 2005 to 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that there was a considerable trend in the three categories. Notably, the
rapid
Correct article usage
a rapid
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 rise in the interest of people in purchasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cinema
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
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,
while
Linking Words
 DVD and legal
download
Fix the agreement mistake
downloads
show examples
 received
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar fluctuating
response
Fix the agreement mistake
responses
show examples
 throughout the years.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, cinema tickets and DVDs shared almost the same pattern, one thing to differentiate it is the starting and ending
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 legal
download
Fix the agreement mistake
downloads
show examples
also
Linking Words
 experienced a significant trend. In 2005, Cinema tickets began at around 9
pounds
Use synonyms
 and increased sharply to 14
pounds
Use synonyms
 in 20011. The DVD witnessed a gradual increase accounting for 6
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the
time
Use synonyms
 frame shown and ended up at 8
pounds
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, legal download’s starting point in 2005 was around 8
pounds
Use synonyms
 and exhibited a rapid decrease to 6
pounds
Use synonyms
 a couple of years after before facing a gradual
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 in the year after 2007. The pie chart presents a comparison, which did not really have a big difference.
While
Linking Words
 the option to rent DVDs was relatively more popular than the other two options to watch movies during the period of
time
Use synonyms
, 2005 and 20011 at 64% and 56%, respectively .
Linking Words
COnversely
Correct your spelling
Conversely
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, watching online decreased by 12% from 2005 to 2011 and surprisingly watching movies online became more popular as
time
Use synonyms
 went by only 6% to 26%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparisons" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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