IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

Nowadays, a lot of
people
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 have a
problem
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 with their sleep which is not enough.
This
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 essay shows us
from
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apply
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what causes
people
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 can not to sleep and what
people
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 can do regarding lack of sleep. I think
people
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 have to reduce the stress which comes from their work or their family life. First of all, one of the biggest
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problem
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problems
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 why
people
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ca
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can
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no
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not
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 properly sleep is stress which comes from their work because they have to be proactive and productive in their work. So
fi
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if
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 they are not proactive and productive, they can be fired by employers. Another
problem
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 can be a
problem
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 within a family which is 100% effective in their sleep.
For example
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, some
people
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 can not
proper
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apply
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sleep because they
are
Verb problem
do
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 not earn a lot of money, so they are
in
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under
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a
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apply
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huge stress if they have a budget to buy something
to
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for
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 their family members.
Secondly
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, the first thing
what
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apply
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to do is
people
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 have to reduce negative problems which are effective of their sleep and be positive.
People
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 have to lack
of
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apply
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all negativism
of
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in
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 their
life
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lives
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 and
also
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 be among
positve
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positive
people
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.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 have to start spending more
time
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 with their family,
such
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 as short daily trips or
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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time
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 together somewhere in the outback.
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Also
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Also,
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people
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 could realise which priorities are more important than others.
For instance
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,
people
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 can spend their free
time
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 somewhere where
is
Correct pronoun usage
there is
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not
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no
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 internet connection so they will
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be
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more fucus
to
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on
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 their real family than imagine friends who are
in
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on
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 the internet,
such
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 as Facebook. In conclusion, I truly understand why many
people
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 have difficulties getting enough sleep.
However
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, human has to sleep because during
in
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apply
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this
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 particular
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time
Add a comma
time,
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 the body recovers
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 power and stamina after the whole day.
Moreover
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, they have to reduce negativism and increase positivism in their life.

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task achievement
Consider refining your introduction to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay. Make sure to state them clearly so the reader knows what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using overly complicated structures that may confuse the reader. Aim for clarity and simplicity in your writing to ensure your ideas are easily understood.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, instead of saying 'a problem within a family', you could provide a particular scenario that illustrates your point.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points clearly and reinforces your thesis statement without introducing new information.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a great start to effective essay writing!
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt directly, discussing both the problems of lack of sleep and possible solutions, which shows good task engagement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
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