IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is a heated issue that children in rural areas of developing nations have little opportunities to reach education. Some people contemplate that the solutions to the problem are technological devices and internet connection, however, it seems to me that the top priority should be the formation of more schools and the employment of more teachers

It is a heated issue that
children
Use synonyms
 in rural areas of developing nations have
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
 opportunities to reach education. Some people contemplate that the solutions to the problem are technological devices and internet connection,
however
Linking Words
, it seems to me that the top priority should be the formation of more
schools
Use synonyms
 and the employment of more
teachers
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, the provision of computers and online
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 can be beneficial in some ways.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they equip rural
children
Use synonyms
 with multiple transportation to access knowledge. Just by a click on Google, the young can be offered a wide range of free online lessons about any subjects that they want to enhance their
understandings
Fix the agreement mistake
understanding
show examples
. They can take advantage of distance learning programmes, giving them the same opportunities as urban
children
Use synonyms
Linking Words
as
Add the comma(s)
, as
show examples
 a result, narrow the gap between the young in two areas.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the approach to high-tech gadgets helps rural
children
Use synonyms
 learn basic IT skills, preparing them for future working life where computer skills are necessary.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I contend that more
schools
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 are the keys to
tackle
Wrong verb form
tackling
show examples
 the issue. The primary reason is that
teachers
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in the early stage of teaching basic knowledge
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 literacy and numeracy. They are the ones that enlighten
children
Use synonyms
 and instill in them the value of learning and precious
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 about behaviours. These are the things that computers and electronic devices cannot provide for the young.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the appearance of
schools
Use synonyms
 around rural communities raises awareness
for
Change preposition
among
show examples
 parents there about the importance of learning. The denser the number of educational institutions, the higher
opportunities
Correct article usage
the opportunities
show examples
 for
children
Use synonyms
 in the countryside to reach knowledge. In conclusion, though the necessity of
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 and high-tech devices is undeniable, I believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be the first step to
widen
Wrong verb form
widening
show examples
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
show examples
 of studying
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 rural
children
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
To strengthen the introduction, consider providing a clearer outline of your main arguments for better guidance to the reader.
task achievement
Make sure to develop your ideas fully, perhaps by providing more detailed examples for your points related to the need for more schools and teachers.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between points in your paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas, which will improve coherence.
task achievement
You presented a clear viewpoint and supported it with arguments, which is essential for essay writing.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical division of ideas between the two sides of the debate, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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