IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today's day and age,
people
Use synonyms
 are running here and there to achieve their goals and targets. There are many individual who want to gain higher salaries or profits regardless of their own space of mind.
While
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 other argues that
people
Use synonyms
 should do only enjoyable work.
This
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 essay will discuss both the point of view with examples and
then
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 reach a suitable conclusion.
Firstly
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, there is no harm in doing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work which gives a person peace of mind but less salary. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is all about individual's
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
. To give a specific example, a school or college teachers earn less
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then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 what they deserve, even though they have
great
Correct word choice
greater
show examples
 knowledge and skills
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then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 someone who owns
multimillion
Correct word choice
a multimillion-dollar
show examples
 company, yet they enjoy their work with a smile.
Hence
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, it proves that money does
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 guarantee
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
. Now
lets
Replace the word
let's
let us
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 discuss the other side of the
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 and
people
Use synonyms
 who are up to something big and
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to get
Correct article usage
a luxrious
show examples
luxrious
Correct your spelling
luxurious
 lifestyle for
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 and for
family
Correct pronoun usage
their family
show examples
 by earning more and more. In my opinion, these individuals are purely right, as in
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 scenario,
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 wants to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life, but not each individual is ready to do sheer
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
. For
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, there are many living beings on our planet, but only humans
got
Verb problem
have
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 brain which can function in many ways and have
luxury
Change the article
the luxury
show examples
 to decide what they want from life.
To conclude
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, upgrading and evolving is part of human nature regardless of
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 lifestyle or peace of mind. both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own pros and cons, one cannot pick any of these
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
 as
how
Change preposition
to how
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be and what
people
Use synonyms
 should follow.

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task achievement
Try to have a more balanced approach in discussing each viewpoint. Ensure both sides are equally explored and supported with clear examples.
coherence and cohesion
Consider restructuring your paragraphs to have clearer topic sentences that directly address the main points you wish to discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Work on grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Ensure you proofread your essay to catch small mistakes that can impact clarity.
content
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay.
content
You have chosen relevant examples to support your points, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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