IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As well as making money, businesses also have a responsibility towards society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 modern
society
Use synonyms
, it is argued
that
Correct word choice
apply
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whether or not
besides
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 strengthening
Fbusinesses’
Correct your spelling
businesses’
 finances, they would be responsible to
society
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, I completely agree with the point of
this
Linking Words
 statement.
To begin
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 with, being socially responsible by doing business activities for the benefit of the community is an effective way that
would
Verb problem
apply
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promote a company’s brand and attract more customers which might help promote the
companies’
Change noun form
company’s
show examples
 development.
For example
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, Lavia - a lipstick brand had organized a campaign about using vegan materials which were environmentally friendly to make their
eco - friendly
Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
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 products
such
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 as lipsticks, powder and powder blushes,
this
Linking Words
 campaign had successfully attracted many potential investors to support and strengthen companies’ development.
On the other hand
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, being accountable to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 could help contribute to a better
society
Use synonyms
 as companies could organize some competitions
such
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 as
plant
Replace the word
planting
show examples
 trees or garbage collection for their employees and individuals to raise awareness and promote employees’ spirit and responsibility in environmental protection. To illustrate, Vinfast had made a campaign “Phu xanh moi truong” about trading plastic rubbish into green potted plants for students in Nguyen Huu Canh High
school
Capitalize word
School
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 to attend,
this
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 raised awareness about environmental protection for
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation.
Moreover
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, it could
also
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 gain attention from potential candidates which might
contributedto
Correct your spelling
contribute to
contributed to
 the
firms
Fix the agreement mistake
firm
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 and raise
Correct article usage
the staff’
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staff’
Change noun form
staff’s
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 job satisfaction.
To conclude
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,
although
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 most businesses’ aims were to generate strong finance, I still believe that economic organizations should be more responsible to
society
Use synonyms
 as it could help firms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
promote their brand and attract more customers.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to strengthen your position. Clearly state what your viewpoint is regarding the responsibility of businesses to society.
coherence and cohesion
Use cohesive devices more effectively throughout the essay to enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, using a broader range of linking words could improve cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure accuracy in your grammar and spelling to make your writing more polished. For instance, ‘Fbusinesses’ should be corrected to ‘businesses’ and ‘contributedto’ should be ‘contributed to’.
positive
You present your ideas clearly and show a good understanding of the topic. Your examples are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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