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Writing Samples
Band 5

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days when technology is so accessible to everyone, some people think it is better to
study
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 online in their comfort zone than go to the
classroom
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 and
study
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 with other
students
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. Though
i
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I
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 agree with the fact that studying with other
students
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 in the
classroom
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 breeds competitiveness and sharing their ideas makes concepts clearer,
however
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, both modes of learning have their own perks and shortcomings. On one side, people believe that it is effective these days to
study
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 online where the internet is full of so
much
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many
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 knowledgeable materials and everything is easily accessible. There,
students
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 can learn from whatever learning method is easy for them to understand being in the comfort of their own homes and studying at the time that better suits them
instead
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 of waking up early in the morning, getting ready and going to school.
However
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, learning online can get them easily distracted if they lack concentration and have easy access to social media like YouTube, Facebook
and
Correct word choice
apply
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Instagram etc. Another shortcoming of online
study
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 is the speed or availability of the internet, where in some areas internet signals are much slower causing frustrations in
students
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.
Also
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, learning in the comfort of their home can distract them from other non-academic activities like sports, eating and hanging out with friends.
On the contrary
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, learning at school with peers gives
students
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 the opportunity to share ideas and concepts with one another. It
also
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 breeds
sense
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a sense
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 of competition.
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Classroom
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The classroom
A classroom
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 setting is designed in a fashion to engage
students
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 to focus on
study
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 and avoid distractions. Teachers asking them questions and sharing concepts helps
students
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 to stay in the right state of mind to learn and be mentally present in class.
Moreover
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,
in
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in-class
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class
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class,
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students
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 can
also
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 build relationships with peers which helps them develop
their
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the
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 social skills that can help them in future in
corporate
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a corporate
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 setup. One disadvantage in
classroom
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 setup is distraction and noise from other pupils which is sometimes unavoidable. In conclusion, both forms of learning have their perks, but learning with a group of
students
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 helps in ideas-sharing, expanding knowledge and enhancing social skills.
Additionally
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, learners will be enthusiastic when there is an aptitude for competitiveness. So, learning in
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classroom
Correct article usage
a classroom
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 setup is superior rather than studying online.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion. However, to strengthen your position, you might explicitly state the extent to which you agree or disagree in a clearer thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of your essay is logical with clear paragraphs. However, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve coherence. Transition phrases could also enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
While you included both sides of the argument, some points would benefit from more specific examples or evidence. For instance, rather than general comments about online distractions, consider personal experiences or detailed scenarios.
task achievement
You did well in presenting both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced view on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures contributes positively to the readability of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Collaborative learning
  • Debate
  • Discipline
  • Engagement
  • Feedback loop
  • Peer support
  • Educational resources
  • Adaptive learning
  • Self-motivation
  • Independent study
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual classroom
  • Accessibility
  • E-learning
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