IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Computer games and films containing violence are popular today. Some people think that these are harmful for our society and the government should ban them. Other argue that such games and films are fine for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, computer
games
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 and films that contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they are harmful to society and should be banned by the government. Others think they are just a form of entertainment.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and give my opinion. On one the hand, violent
games
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 and movies can have a negative impact, especially on the young generation. Watching or playing violent content regularly may make children more aggressive or less sensitive to real-life violence.
For example
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, some studies have shown a link between violent video
games
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 and increased aggressive behaviour in teenagers. Individuals who support banning these forms of entertainment believe that removing them would lead to a safer and more peaceful society.
On the other hand
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, many societies argue that these
games
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 and films are harmless if used properly. They believe that most people can tell the difference between fiction and reality. For them, violent content is just a way to relax and enjoy a story or challenge.
For instance
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, millions of the population play shooting
games
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 or watch action movies without becoming violent. They
also
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 think it is the responsibility of parents to monitor what their children watch or play, not the government. In conclusion,
while
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 violent content can be risky for some humans, a complete ban is not the solution.
Instead
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, governments should focus on age restrictions and better education for parents and children. That way, people can enjoy entertainment safely without negative effects on society.

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task achievement
Ensure all points are fully elaborated to enhance the depth of your argument.
coherence
Make sure to introduce each paragraph with a topic sentence to strengthen the logical flow.
task achievement
Consider including more specific examples to support your claims and increase the impact of your arguments.
structure
The introduction provides a clear overview of the discussion and sets up the essay well.
structure
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while providing a thoughtful perspective on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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