IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Plastic
surgeries
Use synonyms
 are becoming a significant trend in modern society.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to pay a lot of
many
Correct your spelling
money
show examples
 and risk their health to achieve wanted appearance. The reason for
such
Linking Words
a decisions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a decision
decisions
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 may be
due to
Linking Words
influence
Add an article
the influence
show examples
 that social
media
Use synonyms
 has on them. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 beauty race is a negative direction of development.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss my viewpoint and discuss relevant arguments. Social
media
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such
Linking Words
 as Facebook or Instagram, have significant power in shaping
people
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’s
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 about life and their appearance.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these platforms allow users to use special beauty filters, which make their faces
looks
Change the verb form
look
show examples
 better than in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality.
People
Use synonyms
 scroll through these platforms, where they see perfect images of models with filters. Looking at
such
Linking Words
a pictures
Correct the article-noun agreement
pictures
a picture
show examples
 for a period of time, makes
people
Use synonyms
 compare their self to what they see.
However
Linking Words
, it is often unknown if social
media
Use synonyms
 celebrity uses special filters or
went
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 under
bunch
Add an article
a bunch
show examples
 of cosmetic
surgeries
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. Regarding that
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 many fans still
wants
Change the verb form
want
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 to look as perfect as their idol.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they start to feel unconfident about their imperfect face or body. These queries, influenced by social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 push
people
Use synonyms
 towards
cosmetics
Change the noun form
cosmetic
show examples
surgeries
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. I believe that rising interest towards beauty procedures is harmful.
Firstly
Linking Words
, unnecessary
surgeries
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 put
people
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’s health in danger.
For example
Linking Words
, popular Botox injections can lead to
muscles
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muscle
show examples
 atrophy.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
cosmetics
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the cosmetics
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 industry has very high prices,
thus
Linking Words
 they require a lot of money to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 to achieve
wanted
Verb problem
the desired
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 effects. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
these money
Change the determiner
this money
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 can be used in a better way.
People
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 should invest in their life quality,
such
Linking Words
 as good food or education. Money invested in
a studies
Correct the article-noun agreement
studies
a study
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will give
a better job opportunities
Correct the article-noun agreement
better job opportunities
a better job opportunity
show examples
,
for instance
Linking Words
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 my point of view, social
media
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 and influencers are
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 reasons for
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
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 interest in cosmetic
surgeries
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. They present
fake
Add an article
a fake
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 image of reality that shapes their
fans
Change noun form
fan's
fans'
show examples
 way of thinking.
In addition
Linking Words
, I believe
this
Linking Words
 trend is very harmful
thus
Linking Words
risk
Wrong verb form
risking
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s health and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
many
Correct your spelling
money
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 not
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 most profitable way.

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coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to the clarity and organization of your ideas. Try to use more cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure that your viewpoints are clearly articulated and supported with relevant examples. Consider elaborating on your arguments to strengthen your position.
task achievement
You presented a clear stance on the topic and provided reasons to support your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the influence of social media, which is a relevant and contemporary issue related to cosmetic surgery.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
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