Some people think that there should be a law to ban young people under 18 to go out after the midnight, others think it should not be. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
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recent era, the number of young generations, aged under 18, having outside activities after
the
Correct article usage
apply
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midnight
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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topical since a part of society argued that
this
Linking Words
should be restricted by a law,
while
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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others complained that they did not agree. To respond to
this
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issue, I will provide
explanation
Add an article
an explanation
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based on both sides and believe that making a policy for restricting the youth
going
Change preposition
from going
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outside after 12 pm is more convincing
due to
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the benefits. Focusing on supporting
children
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children's
show examples
night activities,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adolescents tend to have many responsibilities which
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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be done in the midday.
This
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is because some universities have a longer learning time and demand their students to do so many projects and research.
Therefore
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, most of them come home late as they have to finish their discussions or conduct some meetings with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
colleagues. Some institutions believe that the longer study activities are, the higher
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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performance of the young generation
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
idea is misleading since there are some educational institutions in Japan showing an outstanding academic report without extending learning time. Even though the colleges have
the
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apply
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shorter time and
fewer
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less
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homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
to do, their learners still win some competitions and they can be hired by
the
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apply
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top-notch companies. Turning to supporting the law, applying the rule to forbid adolescents’ midnight actions is beneficial as they can be prevented
to get
Verb problem
from
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accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
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and criminality. Most of them feel exhausted after finishing so
Correct word choice
many works
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works
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work
show examples
and complicated questions and
this
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issue leads them to not focus on driving
to
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apply
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home.
Therefore
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, there is an opportunity to get an accident in the way the individuals
heading
Wrong verb form
head
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home.
In addition
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, the higher criminality rate happens at night because there
is
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are
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few
polices
Correct your spelling
policies
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stay
Correct pronoun usage
that stay
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in all ways.
To sum up
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, after thorough consideration, I support the law should be applied as the positive impacts of
this
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outweigh the number of benefits
having
Change preposition
of having
show examples
midnight actions for the youth under 18.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to better establish the main idea. This will improve the overall organization of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to include a more balanced discussion of both views, ensuring that each perspective is elaborated with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
Revise grammar and sentence structure in some areas for clarity and fluency. For example, phrases like 'the number of young generations, aged under 18, having outside activities after the midnight' could be refined.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear opinion throughout the essay, indicating your stance on the topic effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion and outlines the main points to be covered, which is a good practice.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ban
  • curfew
  • underage
  • risk-taking behavior
  • personal freedoms
  • independence
  • structure
  • discipline
  • parental control
  • rebellious behavior
  • social interactions
  • safety concerns
  • decision-making skills
  • negative influences
  • trust
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