IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

It is
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
 debated issue, whether
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 money should be spent on
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
 sector or
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public
services
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe, authorities should spend more on
services
Use synonyms
 for common
people
Use synonyms
 but
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 department should not be neglected.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, investing money in music and theatre can
led
Change the verb form
lead
be led
show examples
 to an entertainment source for
people
Use synonyms
 which is essential in today's
fast pace
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
 life. With
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 get
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to interact with their friends and family and can get more relief from stress. Apart from that, some talent shows can help
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to show their hidden talents to the world which can create some earning options for them.
To
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance,
Dance
Correct article usage
the Dance
show examples
 India Dance show invites individuals from all over the country and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 the winners, an opportunity to work in movies.
This
Linking Words
 results in building
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 for common
people
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
services
Use synonyms
 that are used by
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis can not be ignored by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. To explain
this
Linking Words
, every person is paying
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 in different ways for
betterment
Add an article
the betterment
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 and their local area.
Due to
Linking Words
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, they expect
improvemnets
Correct your spelling
improvements
improvement
 in local
services
Use synonyms
 including transportation , infrastructure and many more. If these
services
Use synonyms
 are taken in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
importance by higher authorities
then
Linking Words
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 will be satisfied and willing to work for the nation.
This
Linking Words
 can help in
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 growth. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
this
Linking Words
,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States's
Change noun form
States
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 focus on building more houses, improving travel
services
Use synonyms
 for
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and growing
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
 sector which helps
people
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get jobs very easily.
Hence
Linking Words
, many individuals are interested in migrating to
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States.
Although
Linking Words
, spending money on entertainment is the key to
fight
Wrong verb form
fighting
show examples
 with monotony of life
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
everyday
services
Use synonyms
 that can be the source of bread and butter for individuals, should be
priority
Add an article
a priority
the priority
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and discusses both sides effectively. However, make sure to fully address the prompt by expressing a clearer position regarding whether you agree or disagree and to what extent. Consider adding a more direct conclusion that summarizes your view to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
While the logical structure of your essay is mostly clear, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument. Try to improve transitions between ideas for a smoother flow of thoughts.
task achievement
The use of examples is generally relevant, but be careful with language accuracy. For instance, ‘To instance’ should be ‘To illustrate’ or ‘For instance’. Ensure that your examples clearly support your main points and that you provide sufficient context for the reader.
task achievement
You've successfully identified the importance of both arts and public services in your argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
The example of 'Dance India Dance' adds a personal touch to your essay, demonstrating how public arts can create opportunities for individuals, which is a strong point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
What to do next:
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