IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people thinks that the first role of educational institute to build good community members and employees rather than perodizing individual growth and development do you agree or disagree?

Few citizens believe that the primary role of educational
institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
 is to build
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good community members and employees, individual growth and
development
Use synonyms
. I strongly disagree with the thought and I will give a suitable rationale for my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.
Overall
Linking Words
, there is no doubt
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
schools contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 at their optimum level of
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
building a valid developed community, full of
maturity
Replace the word
mature
show examples
 individuals and
experties
Correct your spelling
experiences
. But,
according to
Linking Words
 my knowledge, it should not be
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 aim of the institutes.
One
Use synonyms
 should focus
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on helping the child to grow as
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 individual. Schools are trying to teach students about a well manners
society
Use synonyms
, often lacs in focusing the solar
development
Use synonyms
 of a child.
This
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
negligence of staff, leads to various issues which are mostly related to the mental health of a
person
Use synonyms
. At
first,
Linking Words
it may
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 conflicts internally, in a
person
Use synonyms
's mind, as
one
Use synonyms
 is not
a
Correct article usage
the
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 most adequately transparent to
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 emotions. Educational centres do not focus on
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 of a pupil. Various aspects of his life
are often ignore
Change the verb form
are often ignored
are often ignoring
show examples
 which
also
Linking Words
 include the ability of a
person
Use synonyms
 to deal with real feelings. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, he will not be able to overcome the fear or stress, if he is not
thought
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 to deal with
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 specific sentiments, on his own.
Secondly
Linking Words
, taking no notice of individual
development
Use synonyms
 will eventually
lac
Correct your spelling
lead
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
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sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of satisfaction in a
person
Use synonyms
. No matter,
an
Correct word choice
if an
show examples
 individual is getting
honest
Correct article usage
an honest
show examples
 salary or is
one
Use synonyms
 of the renowned personalities of the population, if he is not
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
satisfied as an individual, he will be left
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a feeling of failure in his mind,
for example
Linking Words
,
of
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
Use synonyms
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to be a magician but ended up a focus businessman
then
Linking Words
 a certain period of life,
one
Use synonyms
 will have a feeling of a failure because he never wanted to be that, what he is now.
Overall
Linking Words
, every small component of a child is equally important to build a healthy
society
Use synonyms
 and members of the
society
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 aim to work on their
individualty
Correct your spelling
individuality
individual
 as well.

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task achievement
Ensure that arguments both agree and disagree with the prompt to reflect a balanced view and build stronger arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Use more clear and varied transition words (e.g., 'however', 'moreover') to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. For example, 'individual growth and development' needs proper conjunction, and 'a schools' should be 'schools'.
task achievement
You have stated your opinion clearly in the introduction, and your argument is consistent throughout the essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant points and examples, even if they require further development.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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