IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

🔶Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. 🔸Do you agree or disagree?

I
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
 my opinion, I agree with the
ides
Correct your spelling
ideas
show examples
 of
makeing
Correct your spelling
making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 more expensive in
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
 so that
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people do not
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
 health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 the
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 have
alots
Correct your spelling
lots
a lot
 of high levels of
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cheper
Correct your spelling
cheaper
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, papsi
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the drink
show examples
drink
Correct subject-verb agreement
drinks
show examples
 its really cheap and
every where
Correct your spelling
everywhere
show examples
 they can find
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 the
supermaket
Correct your spelling
supermarket
 or in the restaurant
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 easy to buy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, talabat
Use synonyms
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 apps that
every
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
one
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and they
deliverto
Correct your spelling
deliver to
deliver
 your home even when have
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of money.
Such
Linking Words
 as they
dilever
Correct your spelling
deliver
 24
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
show examples
 to most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 as high levels of
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
caues
Correct your spelling
causes
cause
 a many health problem. Because that many people
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much young children they have diabetes from the
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
. So
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 realise that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 better to make the
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 more expansive so that children can
reduse
Correct your spelling
reduce
 what they
drink
Use synonyms
 and
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 cant buy it and will
halp
Correct your spelling
help
 them
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
wight
Correct your spelling
weight
show examples
.
Impact the
Verb problem
The
show examples
 soft
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the body not
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 well like
geting
Correct your spelling
getting
 anxious and less sleep or
feel dizziness
Wrong verb form
dizzy
show examples
. In
summery
Correct your spelling
summary
show examples
, now the people
thay
Correct your spelling
they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 exercise and they
eate
Correct your spelling
eat
ate
 too much
food
Use synonyms
becuse
Correct your spelling
because
 its easy to get from
talabat
Change the capitalization
Talabat
show examples
 or delivery app new
thay dilaver
Correct your spelling
that deliver
 to home direct.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Improve spelling and grammar for clarity. For example, 'ideas of making' instead of 'ides of makeing' and 'many health problems' instead of 'many health problem'.
structure
Try to create clearer topic sentences and logical connections between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.
content
Provide more specific evidence or examples to support your arguments, particularly regarding health issues caused by sugar.
content
The essay presents a clear opinion on the issue, showing agreement with the statement about making sugary products more expensive.
content
The writer recognizes the negative impact of high sugar consumption on health, which is an important point to address in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: